


Because, Friends Hug

by SheenaChan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 23:13:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4077424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheenaChan/pseuds/SheenaChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Something was irritating.</p><p>Well, for Kei Tsukishima most things in life were pretty irritating, but this particular thing, that had been weighing on him for the longest time, was just about enough to make him snap." </p><p>((Or, Yamaguchi gets Tsukishima to watch this sports' drama he's been really into lately, and that somehow leads to the most heated summer of Tsukishima's life.))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WELL! Welcome to my newest fic :D ! I've been really fixated on TsukkiYama lately and wanted to take a jab at writing my own. Please, join me for this slow burn, will you? *u*
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! :D I have a general idea of where I wanna take this, so another chapter shouldn't be too far off. Thanks for stopping by! :D

Something was irritating.

Well, for Kei Tsukishima most things in life were pretty irritating, but this particular thing, that had been weighing on him for the longest time, was just about enough to make him snap. Though he knew that if he did snap, it would make his situation even more irritating and-...

“Tsukki, your face! Is something wrong?”

“Eh? What’s wrong with my face?”

He had been thinking about it too hard again. He could usually catch himself before he scowled about it too much, but once Yamaguchi had pointed it out and he glanced at himself in a nearby window, he realized he was wearing a scowl that could rival Kageyama’s… and that was probably the most irritating thing of all. He sighed.

“You sure you’re okay?” Yamaguchi asked casually, punctuating the question by sticking a droopy fry in his mouth.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima grumbled, getting back to his burger with a pouty bite.

“Sorry, Tsukki.” he responded, though the phrase was more so a given than an actual apology at this point.

Tsukishima went on to hide any outstanding irritation behind his meal, eating away the tiresome feeling as he listened to Yamaguchi prattle on about… something. Honestly, at this point in his life, Tsukishima was having a hard time focusing on anything that Yamaguchi was saying, finding himself more distracted by watching how his lips shaped around the words or how his freckles made cute arcs over his cheeks when he got excited and started smiling. Though when he caught himself doing _that_ , his mind stumbled into that irritation again. It was an endless cycle, really.

“Anyway, did you catch that drama I keep telling you to watch?”

Tsukishima blinked, shaking his head as if he had only caught on to the conversation just then.

“What? No.”

“Really? But it’s so good!” Yamaguchi whined, shoving back the rest of his fries and licking his fingers clean. “I mean, I don’t know how much you like baseball, but the story is just… ah, I don’t know how to describe it. You just have to see it and you’ll understand!”

“It’s not as if I’ve had the time to watch something so long, you know? Exams and all. And now that I think about it, _you_ shouldn’t have been binging that either.” he said, squinting slightly as he finished.

“Aw, Tsukki! I did fine, you know that!” Yamaguchi said breezily, waving off Tsukishima’s scolding with his hand.

Tsukishima shrugged, and picked his meal back up to finish it off. That was a fair enough point. Yamaguchi could get distracted by stuff like that pretty easily but when it came down to serious business, he was dependable. It was one of the many traits that fed into Tsukishima’s irritation. That bubbling, fluttering irritation…

“Anyway! It’s summer vacation now, we can do what we want.” Yamaguchi continued, happily grinning. “And I just so happen to have seventy episodes of a certain sports’ drama right here with me!”

“S-Seventy…” repeated Tsukishima, nearly losing his composure at just the thought of sitting through that many episodes of something. “You don’t seriously think I’m gonna waste my entire vacation watching some show about baseball, do you?” he asked, regaining some sting in his voice.

“Look, we don’t have to watch it all. I just want you to give it a chance.”

Tsukishima sighed, wondering if it was really such a good idea to give into Yamaguchi’s whims like that. He had recently discovered that he was making it far too easy for Yamaguchi to rope him in into things these days and Tsukishima didn’t like it very much. He didn’t like how he was slowly slipping into a place where he had no control over how he felt. A place where all he really wanted was to see Yamaguchi’s face light up at the sight of some silly sports’ drama. The stupid fluttering nagged at his stomach again.

“Tch.” was the only sound he made before rolling his eyes and looking down at his empty fast food tray. “You’re buying snacks then.”

“Tsukki!” exclaimed Yamaguchi, happily.

Tsukishima forced away the twitch at the corner of his lips with all his might. There was no way in hell something so small and simple was going to make him smile.

 

+++

 

“This…” Tsukishima frowned at the DVD Yamaguchi held up for him. There was something really familiar about it and he wasn’t sure what it was.

“This will be your life for the next wee-...” Yamaguchi was cut off by Tsukishima’s glare. He fidgeted for a second before fixing his sentence. “...-whenever!” he decided on.

Tsukishima just rolled his eyes and lazily let his body fall to the couch. He crossed his arms and simply waited for Yamaguchi to prep everything. This was his idea after all, Tsukishima had nothing to do with this. However, it did continue to bug him why that sports’ drama looked so damn familiar.

The blond felt the couch dip next to him and he quickly saw a bowl of popcorn appear under his nose.

“Ugh, don’t shove that in my face.” grumbled Tsukishima.

“Sorry, Tsukki. Popcorn?” Yamaguchi offered with bright eyes. Tsukishima scoffed but took a handful anyway. Yamaguchi let the bowl sit between them and grabbed the remote, hitting play.

“Alright! Now, it starts off a bit slow, but you’ll really get into it after fifteen episodes or so.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Tsukishima was about to protest some more, but got immediately distracted by Yamaguchi’s happy face lit by the dim television. There were those freckle arcs again. _Goddamn it._

The irritation plucked at Tsukishima’s mind so he decided to just give into this whole sports’ drama thing as a well needed distraction. He braced himself for the ride…

“So, Rose is dating Tama, but she has to go back to America before the big game, and Kyou is angry about this, why…?” Tsukishima blinked slowly as he stared at the DVD menu in front of him. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew they had watched way too much of this show already, and it was really late, but he had surprisingly become just a tiny bit interested, and was trying to get it all straight.

“Yeah, yeah!” Yamaguchi excitedly began. How on earth did this guy still have so much energy? “Kyou is worried that Rose leaving will affect Tama’s pitch.”

“Sounds a bit extreme.” Tsukishima said flatly. Everybody was so hot blooded in this show, it got on his nerves. “And why is Kyou so caught up in Tama’s love life anyway?”

“Because Kyou is the captain! He cares about his team and wants them to always be at their best!” Yamaguchi explained, clearly an admiration in his voice for this Kyou character. Tsukishima scoffed away a snicker.

“Pft, sounds like Kyou has a thing for Tama, quite honestly.”

And then it hit him, the memory of where he had seen this show before mixed in with the sound of Yamaguchi laughing out a long drawn out “ _Whaaaat?_ ”. Yes, he was sure of it now.

“You must be tired, Tsukki. Wanna go to bed?”

Tsukishima tried to ignore how the casual question made his mouth dry almost instantly. Then he remembered that, _duh_ , they had been friends for forever now and Yamaguchi always slept over.

“Yeah.” he said through a sigh, groaning when he saw how late it was on the clock. “Two am, seriously?” he grumbled to himself. He heard Yamaguchi laugh off to the side.

“I said you’d be hooked!”

Tsukishima froze for a second, only to shoot Yamaguchi a cold glare. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.” he said, but the freckled boy wasn’t exactly wrong. They’d watch more tomorrow, he was sure.

Yamaguchi went to the bathroom to brush his teeth while Tsukishima laid out the spare futon. It was only a second later that he dropped to his bed, finally breathing right for what felt like the first time that day. Tsukishima wasn’t totally aware of when he started feeling so tense around Yamaguchi. He knew he didn’t always feel this way, but over time, over the long days of hanging out, practicing volleyball, watching movies and just being together, Tsukishima had really started to notice just how much Yamaguchi had been growing. Suddenly it was like he was gaining more confidence, getting more sure of himself, actually being kind of… cool. It’s what brought his stomach flopping around like a load of laundry in a dryer whenever Yamaguchi got too close.

Tsukishima never thought he’d feel this way for anybody, really. The fact that he was starting to develop a pretty serious crush on his best friend just stalked him and pounced when he least expected it, but how was he supposed to handle something like that? How long was he supposed to put up with something like that? Would he keep feeling this way if they kept being as they always been? Would it start to hurt? What if it stopped tomorrow?

They had only a few months left of high school, but then what? There were just way too many factors that ran a marathon through Tsukishima’s mind whenever he got a spare second to think about it, and all of these doubts and questions just made him believe that ever telling Yamaguchi was out of the question.

He breathed deeply. Hearing Yamaguchi shuffling around in the bathroom signalled his quick arrival, so he braced himself for the impending tenseness by reaching for his laptop and distracting himself again.

“Oh thanks, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said upon seeing the futon. Tsukishima grunted out his acknowledgement, trying not to pay attention at how soft Yamaguchi’s voice sounded brushing past his ears in the wee hours of the morning.

Tsukishima typed away at his laptop, the sudden thought passing his mind at finally looking up the reason why he had known about that baseball drama. It really only took him two seconds, because once he typed in the name, a million and one pieces of fanworks came out of the woodwork. He looked down at Yamaguchi who was patting at his blankets about ready to settle in and cleared his throat to nab his attention.

“Tsukki?”

Tsukishima smirked. Yamaguchi was so wide eyed and innocent that something like this would flip him out for sure, and the blond was amused already.

“You know when I said that Kyou clearly has a thing for Tama…?” he asked, his question raised in delighted suspicion. This was gonna be rich!

Yamaguchi snorted. “Pfft! Yeah, why?”

Tsukishima let out smug laugh and turned his computer around, showing Yamaguchi the piles and piles of fanart he had just found of Kyou and Tama, some more explicit than others, but it was the vast amount at that was the funny part and Yamaguchi’s face made it even funnier!

“Tsukki!” he exclaimed, lunging over and grabbing at the laptop screen. “Oh my God, there’s so much of it! I’m never going to be able to watch these guys the same way ever again.”

Tsukishima laughed, and he couldn’t help but laugh harder as he saw Yamaguchi’s eyes widen at just how not innocent Kyou and Tama seemed now. The fanworks really only got worse as he scrolled down and Tsukishima figured that was probably enough for one day. He tried his best to settle his laughter.

“I thought the show looked familiar. Pretty sure I saw these pictures floating around before. Honestly, Yamaguchi, you had no idea?”

Yamaguchi stared at the place the laptop screen once was, mouth agape as the last of his innocence escaped into the air with a pathetic whimper. Tsukishima snorted this time, about to close his laptop when Yamaguchi suddenly stopped him.

“So let me get this straight…” the freckled boy began, climbing onto the bed next to Tsukishima to see the screen again. Tsukishima’s eyes went wide at the gesture for a split second before quickly getting back to normal. “...people just… draw this stuff?”

Tsukishima blinked. Did he… dare answer that?

“Well, yes. Don’t tell me this is new to you, Yamaguchi. You’ve been on the internet before.”

“Yeah but like… why?” Yamaguchi was really serious about getting to the bottom of this. Why, indeed?

“I don’t know!” Tsukishima snapped “Don’t ask me why people dig way too far into the subtext of shows and make this stuff up.”

“But like-” Yamaguchi reached over and began scrolling down again, stopping on a fairly suggestive picture of Kyou and Tama making out in the rain. “-why is there so much Kyou and Tama here?”

Tsukishima couldn’t believe that Yamaguchi didn’t see why. Had they even watched the same show? Sure Tsukishima wasn’t really into fanart like this, but even he could see that there was more to Kyou and Tama’s relationship than just being teammates, and then he realized just how much he was projecting and it nearly made him throw up. Still, Yamaguchi wasn’t letting up on this issue!

“Are you serious, Yamaguchi? The fact that Kyou gets so jealous when Tama starts dating Rose-”

“That’s because Kyou probably wanted a girlfriend too!”

“Well what about when Rose left the first time, and Kyou gave Tama that hug?”

“They’re friends, Tsukki! Friends hug!”

“For that long? I swear that scene lasted for minutes.”

“They were doing that for dramatic effect!”

“Really!?”

Yamaguchi didn’t respond that time and merely continued to scroll.

“Would you stop scrolling already!”

“But Tsukki, it’s fascinating! I had no idea that people were taking all of those moments and turning it into stuff like this. Whoa!” Yamaguchi stopped on a particular image of Kyou and Tama going at it outside, but Yamaguchi recognized the scene and pointed directly at the picture, unphased at this point. “Do you remember this scene, Tsukki?” he asked.

“What the hell?”

“No, I know what they’re doing here, but look at the setting. It’s the scene where Tama was acting up and Kyou confronted him about it.”

“And?” Tsukishima really hoped Yamaguchi had a point to this. He was beginning to regret starting this joke in the first place.

“Well, that scene always reminded me of when I confronted you at the training camp.” he explained but then immediately started laughing. Tsukishima flinched at the sudden change in mood. “Ha ha ha! I’m sorry, Tsukki! I just thought of how funny it would if people had taken our conversation and just turned it into this. Ha ha!” Yamaguchi’s laughter was uncontrollable and he even began lightly thumping his fist at Tsukishima’s arm.

Tsukishima felt his eye twitch. He didn’t see the hilarity in this situation at all, though he was probably biased.

 

 

 

“Wouldn’t that be so funny, Tsukki!?”

Tsukishima didn’t say anything, he was far too busy sinking into the hole he was digging for himself in his brain.

“Just think about it!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, lowering his voice for the impending dramatization. “Step it up, Tsukki. Oh, Yamaguchi you’re so cool.” and then Yamaguchi went on to make dramatic kissing sounds as he wrapped his arms around himself and squirmed in a suggestive way right next to Tsukishima.

“My God, _shut up_ , Yamaguchi!” the blond finally spat, making use of Yamaguchi’s sudden motions to give him a shove and roll him straight off the bed.

"Waagh!” Yamaguchi yelped as he hit the floor. He recovered quickly though and poked his head up over the bed, the giggles still getting the better of him. He watched as Tsukishima snapped his laptop shut and set it on his nightstand, swiftly bringing the blankets up over his head as he ignored any other attempt at conversation. There was a quiet moment, Yamaguchi had stopped laughing and Tsukishima was pretty much steaming under the covers. He was frustrated with a lot of things at that point and didn’t trust himself to talk. It was late, he was tired and this whole thing was ridiculous.

“Sorry, Tsukki.” was all Tsukishima heard, spoken as softly as ever.

Though, he could tell that apology was genuine…

 

+++

 

Tsukishima felt like crap when he woke up, eyes heavy and dry. It was mostly from watching too much television the day before, but it was also because he had tossed and turned all night, unable to settle himself down enough to relax. There had just been something about Yamaguchi laughing at what he did that pissed him off a lot, as if the very thought of the two of them kissing was fundamentally hilarious. Unable to cope with the bubbling rage, he sat up, meeting the way-too-early sun engulfing his bedroom. He took a deep breath, trying to bottle up all that irritation once again. It was gonna be one of those days, wasn’t it?

Huffing through his nose, Tsukishima laid back down on his side, mindlessly looking down at Yamaguchi as he settled in. His eyes slid slowly over the boy’s relaxed features, and the sight both made him feel at peace and restless all at once. He could get over this, right?

Soon there was a weak groan and Yamaguchi began to stir, his eyes fluttering open and falling on Tsukishima right away.

“Uwah… morning already, Tsukki?” he asked, voice charmingly full of sleep. Tsukishima twisted his face into a grimace, he couldn’t handle early morning Yamaguchi right now… it was always too damn adorable. “Aha, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Yamaguchi teased.

Tsukishima sat up and threw his pillow in Yamaguchi’s face. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki!”

Tsukishima was pleased that they could settle into routine once again...

 

+++

 

Tsukishima managed to supply Yamaguchi with some cereal and the freckled boy tried to make more plans with the blond over breakfast.

“Hey! We can watch more of the show over at my house today, if you want.”

“Sure.” Tsukishima answered flatly, drinking back the rest of his milk soon after. “My parents are coming back from their trip today though, I won’t be over until later.”

“That’s fine!” Yamaguchi was positively beaming for some reason. He had gotten way more sleep than Tsukishima had, that much was certain.

The routine continued and Yamaguchi took off soon after eating, though it didn’t feel like they were apart for very long and Tsukishima was staring down episode twenty-five of that dumb drama before he knew it.

“So, Rose came back from America with Jennifer, and Tama is upset because…”

“Because Jennifer is Rose’s best friend and they spend a lot of time together, so Tama is upset that he can’t spend time with Rose!”

“And Kyou is jealous again, because…”

“He’s not jealous! He wants Tama to get his head in the game!”

“Yamaguchi, this is barely about baseball anymore.”

“No, no! A tournament arc is coming up and it’s really good, just wait!”

Tsukishima sighed and hit stop on the laptop, leaning back against the wall where it met the bed he was sitting on. He looked positively worn out.

“No, more…”

Yamaguchi giggled. “Alright, we’ll stop for now.” he said, getting up off the floor where he had been sitting, picking up some snack wrappers once he was up. Tsukishima just stared at the ceiling. It was getting late again and he was positively sleep deprived. He was sure nothing would come between him and sleep tonight.

“Oh yeah, I completely forgot that we were getting the futon cleaned so I guess we’re gonna have to share tonight.”

_Nevermind, then._

“What? Ugh, I can just go home…” said Tsukishima, calmly speaking through the sputtering in his chest.

“Wha? Tsukki, it’s late. It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before.” Yamaguchi kept talking through his tidying, making it look so easy.

But it was easy, wasn’t it? It was supposed to be. They’d only be laying next to each other and it wouldn’t mean anything, though, that fact stung just the tiniest bit. Still, he was ridiculously tired, he was certain he’d be out like a light regardless. He could do this.

“Fine.” Tsukishima said, not in the mood for talking anymore and immediately setting his glasses aside, turning his back on Yamaguchi and sinking under the covers. Yamaguchi blinked at the display, a bit surprised that Tsukishima had tucked himself in so quickly. His expression drooped slightly, hanging on a frown as he finished up his tidying and turned off the light, leaving only the silver light of the moon coming in through the window to guide him back to bed.

The room fell quiet, just the soft sounds of Yamaguchi padding over to the bed reached Tsukishima’s ears. The blond braced himself, gently taking in a deep breath as he felt the weight shift in the mattress. He waited for Yamaguchi to lay down, but instead there was just a pause, deadly silent, and suddenly, Tsukishima felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, Tsukki…” he heard Yamaguchi say, apprehensively. Tsukishima flinched. “You’re okay, right? You’ve been kind of on edge for a little while…”

_Of course he noticed that._

“I’m fine.” Tsukishima stated frankly.

“You know if… something’s bothering you, you can talk to me right? You don’t have to always keep stuff to yourself. You should know that by now.” Yamaguchi’s voice was painfully soft, but it only made Tsukishima tense up. He could feel Yamaguchi’s grip tightening on his shoulder.

“Is it about graduation?” he asked.

He wasn’t going to stop, was he? Tsukishima prayed for the will power to handle this.

“No.” he responded after a moment.

Yamaguchi hesitated before speaking again. Tsukishima could hear him swallow and after another aborted word, he listened to Yamaguchi continue.

“You know, Tsukki, _I’m_ … a bit afraid about graduation. I know it’s months away, but that’ll go by faster than we think, I’m sure. I haven’t even really thought much about what I want to do…”

Tsukishima didn’t respond right away, but after a moment, he turned himself to look up at the sitting Yamaguchi. The freckled boy took back his hand at the shift, though he didn’t turn to meet Tsukishima’s gaze.

“You never said anything about that before.”

“No, I know. It just hits me sometimes, you know?”

Tsukishima stayed still. He was hardly equipped for such a loaded conversation.

“It’s really nothing to worry about. High school will be over, then it’s college and then a job. None of those things are particularly scary or difficult.” he said, plainly.

“I guess…” Yamaguchi’s voice started to shrink. He was still sitting up with his knees pulled against him and it looked like he just continued to warp into the shape of a ball more and more.

“Tsukki I-...”

Tsukishima lifted himself up on his elbows in interest, despite himself. His body was just moving on its own at that point, not really knowing how to handle this situation. He wasn’t even sure what brought it on in the first place.

“...-I don’t want to be too far away from you.”

“What the hell?” was all he could say, as usual.

Yamaguchi jumped and looked at Tsukishima, finally making eye contact as he waved both of his hands in front of himself.

“W-well not in a creepy way, or anything! I didn’t mean it like-... I mean!” he stammered.

Tsukishima stared at Yamaguchi, his expression blank though his mind had already started sprinting. He felt his own hand jut up to capture Yamaguchi’s wrist. Soon after he slid up to sit, reaching Yamaguchi’s eye level, still not breaking eye contact and Yamaguchi went completely stiff. Tsukishima wasn’t even sure what he was trying to accomplish. He just wanted Yamaguchi to calm down, but he also kind of wanted to hear more.

“What do you mean?” he asked, though his voice probably had more bite than intended. Yamaguchi flinched.

“I just mean… You’re my best friend Tsukki. Aha, you probably don’t like me telling you that, but it’s true. I was really lucky to be able to go to high school with you, but I just get scared sometimes that, well… we’ll just separate after graduation and never talk to each other again.”

Tsukishima’s grip tightened, though Yamaguchi didn’t seem to notice, he was too busy looking away from Tsukishima at that point. As the blond tried to process it all, he realized that he had probably been acting far more dismissive than usual lately. He understood why his friend would be concerned. Yamaguchi could easily pick up on his ticks, and that stupid, irritating crush of his was really starting to put distance between them… but, he couldn’t tell him that. Wouldn’t tell him that. It wasn’t necessary.

Yamaguchi was _his_ best friend too…

He wouldn’t put that pressure on him. Not when it seemed like just _this_ was enough to send the freckled boy into an anxious frenzy.

Tsukishima let go of Yamaguchi’s wrist and then quickly flicked the boy on the forehead.

“Ah! Tsukki!” Yamaguchi whined, putting his hand up on the place where it stung.

“You’re being stupid, Yamaguchi.” he said, and they made eye contact once again.

“Huh?”

“I haven’t even decided where I’m going yet either. Stop worrying about such useless things.”

To the common man, the words were most definitely harsh, but they made Yamaguchi smile from ear to ear. It was essentially Tsukki-speak for _‘we can still make plans together, if you want’._

“Sorry, Tsukki.” he said, ever so warmly.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and started his path downwards to lay down again. He was so tired, and the sudden “heart-to-heart” just took the wind out of him, though before he could reach the mattress, he felt something that actually did take the wind out of him.

Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around Tsukishima’s neck and hugged him gently. It caught him so off guard that he quickly tried to get away as his heart shot straight up into his throat.

“Agh, what are you doing!?” he asked, much more loudly than he should have. Yamaguchi still managed to keep his gentle grip through Tsukishima’s flailing.

“Shh.” he made the soft sound and airily giggled. “Sorry it just, felt appropriate.” he explained and slowly pulled his arms away. Tsukishima’s reflexes betrayed him and he quickly stopped Yamaguchi from pulling away.

“Tsukki…”

“Because, friends hug, right?” he asked, though his face wore that shit eating smirk as he teased Yamaguchi.

“Agh! Tsukkiii!” he whined, but it formed into laughter pretty quickly, all the thoughts of their little internet escapade from the night before invading his mind. “Ha ha! Oh jeeze, Tsukki, look at us. We’re one step away from becoming fanart on the internet, ha ha!”

Yamaguchi really just couldn’t stop laughing about that, could he? Tsukishima frowned, he really had to stop bringing that up because it only led to his irritation, every time. He knew he shouldn’t be so outwardly pissed about Yamaguchi’s reaction, he had no right to be. He knew he shouldn’t have the urge to make it stop, but as Yamaguchi’s giggles continued, something inside Tsukishima snapped and he pulled Yamaguchi forward, noses booping together as Tsukishima stopped in his tracks just before his lips collided with Yamaguchi’s. What the hell was he doing!?

Time stopped. At least it felt like it did. Yamaguchi didn’t move, only looked Tsukishima in the eyes, his breath trembling in shock. Tsukishima too, was frozen. He hadn’t meant to do this, and yet there he was about to take it a step too far.

“Ts-Tsukki…?”

Yamaguchi’s bottom lip grazed his own as he spoke the nickname, and just that alone was enough to send a shiver through Tsukishima’s entire body. Awakened by the feeling, Tsukishima quickly pulled back, giving Yamaguchi a gentle shove in the process.

He needed an escape route, and fast. Quickly searching his mind for one, Tsukishima opted for the scoff and smirk combo.

“Ha, you should have seen your face.” he said, immediately feeling really lame, but Yamaguchi didn’t seem to notice because he was too busy looking shocked as hell.

“What the- Tsukki!” he scolded, but Tsukishima had already ducked back under the covers, ignoring any further complaints.

For now he’d just brush it off, hiding everything with him underneath the covers. If he just let it go, they’d fall back into their routine in the morning and he could forget all about this.

Little did Tsukishima know, Yamaguchi’s heart was racing just as much as his, flushed freckled face dimly lit by the moon as he touched his fingers along the spot where their lips had just slightly touched.

As far as Yamaguchi was concerned, this wasn’t going to be so easy to brush off...

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Tsukishima could only wait patiently for Yamaguchi to finally lay down under his own blanket. What was taking him so long? It was agonizing to wonder just what Yamaguchi was thinking, especially because he hadn’t moved since Tsukishima had nearly kissed him. The blond tried to reason with himself in his mind, that he was sure he had played it off enough as a joke so Yamaguchi couldn’t have possibly taken him seriously… could he?

Tsukishima didn’t dare stick his head out from under the covers to ask.

He clenched at the blanket, locking himself into the warm cocoon until he finally felt Yamaguchi shift, though it seemed like he was leaning closer towards him. Tsukishima held his breath.

“Hey, Tsukki… was that uh-” Tsukishima heard, but then Yamaguchi trailed off. “Aha, you know what? Nevermind.” and then he felt the freckled boy shift back to his side of the bed, finally laying down and putting an end to all of this.

Tsukishima finally let out the breath that he was holding. He wondered what Yamaguchi had been about to ask. The boy was always so perceptive when it came it him, did he just see right through Tsukishima’s lame excuses? If that was the case, what had he seen?

He let out a light sigh through his nose, blinking through the darkness. He hated this, simply hated how much this made him think, how many times he had weighed his options already. It was just a stupid crush, nothing to fret over and if Yamaguchi had any idea, well, he’d cross that bridge when he’d come to it.

 

+++

 

When Tsukishima woke up, Yamaguchi was already gone. To be perfectly honest, he was relieved considering he was very susceptible to morning-Yamaguchi, and taking into account the events of last night, well, it was just a situation he wasn’t ready for. He reached for his glasses and placed them on his face and just then, he saw Yamaguchi coming into the room.

“Oh, good morning, Tsukki!” he said as brightly as ever.

“Mm.” Tsukishima acknowledged, studying Yamaguchi for any signs of strange behavior, but, he seemed normal enough. Tsukishima considered himself in the clear once more and made a mental note to never let something like that happen again.

“Are you alright? You’re staring again.”

_Again? When had he been staring before?_

Tsukishima shook his head. “I just woke up, don’t mind me.” which was true enough.

“Ha ha, alright. Well, my mom made breakfast so get up already.” he said and exited the room as quickly as he came.

Back to routine, as easy as that.

Breakfast was good, as usual. Yamaguchi’s mom certainly knew her way around the kitchen, though Tsukishima had the sneaking suspicion that he was being watched on the sly throughout, catching Yamaguchi observing him whenever he looked over. The freckled boy never really hid it, or looked away quickly whenever he was caught, he just gave Tsukishima a shy smile before getting back to whatever bit of food he was eating or whatever he was talking to his mom about.

It was strange. Yamaguchi never really looked at him like that, though he supposed he couldn’t exactly be sure, since these days he chose not to look directly at Yamaguchi for obvious reasons. He looked over at Yamaguchi again and raised an eyebrow this time, questioning the odd gaze. The only response he got was Yamaguchi snorting back a laugh into his cup of milk. What on earth was so funny?

Tsukishima was _pissed_.

“Hey Tsukki. Up for more of that drama tonight?” Yamaguchi asked once breakfast was over.

The blond squinted his eyes in Yamaguchi’s direction, trying to figure him out.

“U-um…” Yamaguchi pulled back under the pressure of the blond’s stare, chuckling nervously. “We don’t have to if you-...”

“No, it’s fine.” he said, a slight suspicion in his voice. He’d keep watching that dumb show if only to find out what on earth Yamaguchi was thinking… and partially to see if Kyou would hit that game changing home run the guy had been practicing so hard for. Tsukishima kind of wanted to see it fail, though judging on the show’s content thus far, he wasn’t holding his breath…

 

+++

 

Seven more episodes into their marathon, holed up in Yamaguchi’s room, and Tsukishima had convinced himself that he had been imagining things. He watched Yamaguchi at the corner of his eye all evening for any weird behavior, but as it turned out, the only one acting weird here was himself. Who stares at somebody for nearly three hours?

Then again, who could sit, mouth agape at a laptop screen for nearly three hours without breaking eye contact? Only Yamaguchi, he assumed. Tsukishima let out a frustrated huff of air through his nose despite himself. Guess there really wasn’t anything to see here. Though, that was a good thing, wasn’t it?

“Hey, Tsukki, what do you think so far? The tournament arc is pretty good, huh?”

“What? Ah, yeah…” he said vaguely.

So normal. Too normal. Tsukishima felt like he was being played somehow…

For the first time that evening, Tsukishima let his gaze fall back to the laptop screen, and just as the coast was clear, Yamaguchi’s eyes darted to the side with a glimmer of something behind them. Now, the boys had been sitting a fair distance apart that whole time, their backs against the wall with the laptop propped up between them by their feet, but that was suddenly no good for sweet little Yamaguchi.

“You’re not having any trouble seeing are you?” he asked. Tsukishima shook his head.

“No, no. I can see every tear falling from Tama’s blubbering face, believe me.” he stated, sneering at the current ridiculous dramatic closeup on the screen.

Yamaguchi reached forward and grabbed the computer, bringing it nearer anyway as he shuffled closer to Tsukishima. The blond’s eye twitched. What was this? He looked away for a second and in just that very moment, Yamaguchi had decided to get so close their arms were squished against each other. The freckled boy balanced the laptop between their thighs, nudging those closer too and just like that, they were stuck together like glue.

“Well, _I_ was having trouble seeing.” Yamaguchi explained with a small giggle.

“We could just stop watching if your eyes are tired, you know.”

“Yeah? Well, what else could we do?” asked Yamaguchi, turning his head to meet Tsukishima’s gaze, one that was uncharacteristically wide. Tsukishima couldn’t help his sudden outward reaction. They were so close and Yamaguchi was acting really weird!

“Um…”

“Tsukki?”

The questioning nickname only rushed the memory of last night back in his mind, when Yamaguchi had brought his lips forward on the _“Tsu”_ and nearly closed the last bit of distance between them. Tsukishima’s shoulders went rigid, his mouth clasped into a straight line and his eyes weren’t coming back down to their normal size. Yamaguchi was still staring at him too, and if he wasn’t mistaken moving in closer, and those bright eyes were slipping closed-

Tsukishima snapped to attention, lifting his hand and fitting the entirety of Yamaguchi’s face in his palm, shoving him backwards and falling backwards himself in the process. The laptop plopped lazily sideways.

“W-What the hell are you doing!?” Tsukishima barked, the stammering completely against his will, and he could feel his face flushing too. Dammit, this was embarrassing!

“Aha!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, quickly lifting himself up on his knees and pointing down at Tsukishima, his pose victorious. “That was me getting you back for last night! Now _you_ should see _your_ face”

Tsukishima’s eyes went wide again. Last night…? Right, he had played his almost kiss off as a complete joke, so it was only natural for Yamaguchi to want to return the favor. That’s what friends did after all, but this…

Tsukishima felt like an utter loser, his heart beating so fast from the abrupt build up, his face still red hot and here Yamaguchi was pointing and laughing. If that wasn’t pathetic, then he didn’t know what was.

The blond didn’t even bother telling Yamaguchi to shut up like he always did. He didn’t have the heart to keep up the routine, not when he felt like this. Not when he realized that he really couldn’t handle jokes like this at all and that’s when he knew that he couldn’t just put up with this crush anymore. It was either tell Yamaguchi the truth to make him stop tormenting him or to walk out the door and never look back, and he was already halfway through the latter…

“Tsukki? Tsukki! Hold on, I was only joking!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, lunging forward to grab Tsukishima’s wrist.

“Yeah, I know.” he said, voice flat and cold as he looked back at Yamaguchi. His expression was just as frigid.

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi sounded concerned, a bit sad, but then his brows furrowed and he stood up at his full height and simply glared at Tsukishima. “Would you just tell me what’s going on with you? I can’t take it anymore!” he snapped, though at the exact same time Yamaguchi yelled, Kyou had just yelled the exact same line and the boys just stared at each other with incredulous looks. It took them a moment to register what happened but Yamaguchi quickly spun around and hit the spacebar on his laptop.

“Stupid sports’ drama…” he muttered under his breath. Tsukishima snorted back a laugh. Yamaguchi couldn’t help but smile and he laughed too, leaning his forehead against the bed as he slumped down on the floor. “Ha ha, what are the odds?” he said, his laughter fading as he turned his head to look up at Tsukishima who was still standing. Yamaguchi didn’t seem mad anymore, but he was looking up at Tsukishima with earnest eyes and the blond couldn’t look away from that.

“Can you just tell me the truth, Tsukki?” he asked gently, patiently waiting for Tsukishima to make the next move.

Tsukishima looked away when he heard the question. Could he? _Should he?_ Yamaguchi didn’t seem to have a clue what he was asking about, so Tsukishima wasn’t sure. He had vaguely assured Yamaguchi just the night before that they’d stick together after high school, but if he kept this up, the wall between them would only grow higher, get thicker as the secret lingered. Tsukishima wouldn’t have that only friend he needed anymore, and at the same time, if he told Yamaguchi the truth, he’d probably lose him all the same. Basically stuck between a rock and a hard place, Tsukishima went to the only place his twisted mind could go…

“Yamaguchi, I was just doing you a favor. Do you really want your first kiss to be with a guy?” he asked smugly, placing a hand on his hip as he looked down at Yamaguchi with that holier-than-thou smile he liked to give when he teased people. He was waiting for Yamaguchi to get flustered like he always did, but Yamaguchi’s face was firm, simply blinking up at Tsukishima.

“I don’t know, Tsukki, I almost kind of think _you_ do.” he stated.

That was the last thing Tsukishima had expected to hear and he looked positively scandalized. Yamaguchi smirked, looking ever so pleased with the fact that it appeared he had hit the nail on the head. He got up off the floor and took a few steps closer to Tsukishima.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he said lamely, trying to brush off this subject as quickly as possible.

Yamaguchi gently laughed. “It’s okay, Tsukki.” he assured “Is that what’s been bothering you? We can talk about it, if you want…”

Tsukishima still couldn’t look Yamaguchi in the eye, so he simply lifted his hand to adjust his glasses. So Yamaguchi just thought Tsukishima was struggling with liking boys in general? He could actually deal with that.

“You know, even _I’ve_ thought about it sometimes…” admitted Yamaguchi, shyly rubbing the back of his head.

However, Tsukishima could _not_ deal with _that_.

If he were a normally functioning human, that would have been the time Tsukishima would confess to Yamaguchi, but Tsukishima was far from reacting to things like this normally.

“What have you thought about?” he asked, his voice suddenly a bit lower.

“Eh…? Oh, I don’t know. What it would be like, I guess. I mean, I think about the same stuff when it comes to girls, but it’s not like I’ve been with either to really know what it’s like.” he blabbered, a goofy smile stretched over his face the whole time.

Tsukishima blinked, pausing for a moment before pushing forward. “Me too.” he said flatly, though it was half a lie. Yamaguchi had been the only person he had really come to have an interest in, so most of his musings were about what it would be like to kiss Yamaguchi, but now that he thought about it…

“Oh.” was all that Yamaguchi said, still rubbing the back of his head as he rolled his eyes up to look at Tsukishima. He paused before sitting down on the edge of the bed, patting the spot next to him so Tsukishima would get the hint to sit down. The blond merely smirked.

“I’m not having another heart to heart with you.” he teased.

“Tsukki.” Yamaguchi grumbled, clearly not in the mood for dumb jokes when his best friend had just delivered some unexpected news. Tsukishima lifted his hands in defeat and sat down. Yamaguchi didn’t say anything at first, but there was clearly a question at the tip of his tongue. “So…” he started. Tsukishima looked at him simply, not expecting much. “...do you think you’re gay?”

It was such a blunt question coming from Yamaguchi that Tsukishima couldn’t help but laugh. “Jeeze, Yamaguchi. I don’t know… I haven’t thought much past being curious.” which was more or less the truth. Tsukishima had a crush, sure, but he still wasn’t sure if he’d actually like being with a guy, how was _he_ supposed to know?

“Right. Me too.” Yamaguchi said quickly.

There was an awkward pause before Yamaguchi spoke up again, refusing to make eye contact with Tsukishima.

“Do you… I mean… we could try, if you want.”

“What.”

Yamaguchi jumped at Tsukishima’s reaction, flinching as if he was expecting the blond to punch him or something, but Tsukishima stayed still, and Yamaguchi eyed him before explaining himself.

“I mean, we’re both curious right…? We could just k-kiss or something, just to clear the air.” he stammered, twisting the fly-away at the top of his head around his finger nervously. “Ha ha, ah, I’m sorry Tsukki, I don’t even know why I said that. We’re friends, it’d be too weird…”

Tsukishima’s heart had been pounding since the instant Yamaguchi’s suggestion was out in the open. Though, the more he repeated the suggestion in his head, the more it made sense to him. Maybe if they did this it would just clear Tsukishima’s head. Maybe it would make him realize that this crush thing was dumb and that he just didn’t want to be touched for the rest of his life.

Perhaps it would be all he needed to work out his feelings. Just an experiment between friends…

“It’s… not weird. I mean, it couldn’t hurt?” he said, forming it into a question for some reason. He finally made eye contact with Yamaguchi.

The freckled boy looked utterly bewildered that his best friend had just agreed to such a thing. It almost looked like Yamaguchi was about to play the whole thing off as just another joke so Tsukishima braced himself, but he wasn’t backing down. He noticed Yamaguchi’s eyes flicker downwards, possibly looking at his lips, but he couldn’t be certain.

“Y-you’re sure?” he asked, a slight tremble in his voice.

Tsukishima scooted just a bit closer. “It’s not like it’s a big deal.” he stated flatly, completely at odds with how he was really feeling. Yamaguchi scooted closer as well.

“Okay, so uh… do we just, pucker or…” Yamaguchi mumbled, sticking his lips out and questioning Tsukishima with his eyebrows. It brought the blond to snicker at his friend, though it’s not like he had any room to criticize, he was just as new at this as Yamaguchi was.

“Aha, uh…” Tsukishima contemplated, studying Yamaguchi’s face. This was it, this was his chance to clear it all up for himself. He lifted his hand to cup Yamaguchi’s face, though he chickened out last minute and brought it to adjust his glasses instead, out of nervousness. Yamaguchi cleared his throat as he nudged his body closer again. They weren’t touching each other but there was definitely very little distance left at that point. Tsukishima thought about it once more and he tried again, bringing his hand up to Yamaguchi’s face, gently holding his cheek this time.

Yamaguchi’s eyes darted sideways to glance at the hand, his breath a little shaky at the contact. His eyes followed the thumb that shyly stretched over to touch at the freckles on his cheek and he swallowed at that, finally looking back at Tsukishima who definitely looked concentrated as he leaned in closer. Yamaguchi’s eyes fluttered closed and just like that, they were sharing their first kiss. Warm… soft… barely even touching and merely pressing together without moving, but it was definitely a kiss.

Tsukishima pulled his lips away with a soft pop. Yamaguchi opened an eye. Tsukishima paused to look at Yamaguchi, his own eyes half lidded.

“That uh…” Yamaguchi started, his voice cracking “...That wasn’t… so bad…?”

But it was bad. _Very_ bad, because in the mere moment his lips met Yamaguchi’s, he knew that he liked the feeling way too much to let it go, and there Tsukishima was again, falling deeper into the grave he had dug for himself.

“You’re… not wrong.” Tsukishima replied hesitantly.

They turned away from each other at that point, Yamaguchi clutching at his knees and staring at the floor while Tsukishima went back to adjusting his glasses. Tsukishima didn’t know what else to say. He knew that he wanted to try again, but that was probably going to be the end of it, just the short experiment that turned up results he was already aware of. He glanced at Yamaguchi to see how he was holding up. He was mumbling something Tsukishima couldn’t quite hear.

“Hm?”

“Y-your lips are soft, Tsukki.” he said. The statement immediately made Tsukishima’s face grow hot and he punched Yamaguchi in the shoulder.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.” he said, but Tsukishima swore he could hear a smile in Yamaguchi’s voice so he took a chance and glanced over once more. Yamaguchi was looking at him, twisting his hair around his finger again and looking like he had something to say.

“What?” Tsukishima dared ask, lifting a brow.

“N-nothing… I uh… m-more drama?” he stammered out, clumsily reaching for the laptop. Tsukishima’s reflexes were fast as lightning, snatching the laptop away from Yamaguchi because he was clearly deflecting and Tsukishima hated that.

“What, that’s it? You can tell me what you thought, you know.” he demanded. Even though he knew he didn’t have the right to ask for such honesty from Yamaguchi, he still wanted to know.

“What? But I already told you! And then you punched me!” he retorted, reaching over to wrestle the laptop out of Tsukishima’s hands. The blond was not relinquishing his hold.

“Well, what you said was embarrassing!” he called back.

“Why is it embarrassing? Your lips are soft and I liked it!” he confessed in frustration, though Yamaguchi seemed confident in his opinion and he kept glaring at Tsukishima as if he were daring him to prove him wrong. Tsukishima’s grip on the laptop went slack and Yamaguchi stumbled in his recovery of the machine.

Tsukishima wasn’t quite sure what to say. He wanted to say that he liked it too. He wanted to tell Yamaguchi that he liked _him_ but it still wasn’t coming out, no matter how hard he tried.

“Well, I don’t know how I felt about it.” he said, teasing Yamaguchi with his tone.

“Ah, was I bad?” Yamaguchi asked, genuinely worried.

“Huh? No, it was just… our first time kissing. Nothing to write home about.”

Yamaguchi looked stumped, like he was trying to figure out a hidden meaning in Tsukishima’s words. Of course there was, but the blond definitely didn’t want to make it obvious that he wanted to kiss Yamaguchi again. He simply prodded the only way he knew how, trying for a reaction, another request from Yamaguchi. It was the only way his ego could overcome this. He felt like a fool, but it’s all he knew how to do.

“Hmph, fine. Then let me try again.”

Tsukishima barely had time to register what Yamaguchi had said before the boy pounced at him, taking the initiative this time and kissing Tsukishima firm on the mouth. It was similar to their first kiss, but a lot harder, as if Yamaguchi was trying to punch out his frustration using his lips. He finally pulled back, arms still wrapped around Tsukishima’s neck.

“What about that?” he asked.

Tsukishima smirked. He realized it felt even better when Yamaguchi took the initiative, but this little experiment they had set up between them was starting to get kind of fun and Tsukishima felt like he could push his luck some more with such a tactic.

“Pretty pathetic if you ask me.” he said through his smirk. Yamaguchi looked defeated.

“Tsukkiii...!” he whined.

“Let me try again.”

Yamaguchi actually looked determined at the proposal, as if Tsukishima tried again, all secrets of kissing would be revealed.

Tsukishima took Yamaguchi’s chin between his fingers and tilted him forward, the gesture causing Yamaguchi’s mouth to open just slightly so that when their lips locked again, it was much wetter than before. Tsukishima moved his lips over Yamaguchi’s this time, working the warmth against his own and taking the opportunity to suckle ever so slightly on the freckled boy’s bottom lip as he pulled away. He felt Yamaguchi’s arms tremble against his neck and when Tsukishima finally looked at him again, he could see that his freckled cheeks had gone all red.

“That was different…” he mumbled, his lips still really close to Tsukishima’s.

“Did you like that one?”

“Mm…” Yamaguchi hummed affirmatively.

They were so close together now that leaning in and kissing again would be only too easy, but Tsukishima didn’t want to push his luck. He really liked kissing Yamaguchi. He really liked his face in the aftermath and couldn’t help but wonder what it would look like after just a bit more tongue, after kissing at his neck, after-...

“So, is this helping…?” Yamaguchi asked.

Right, this was supposed to be an experiment to handle their curiosity.

“I don’t know, is it helping you?” Tsukishima shot straight back.

Yamaguchi laughed softly. “I don’t know, to be honest I still feel kind of nervous. The lights are on and you’re kind of staring at me and the whole thing feels kind of clinical, don’t you think?”

Yamaguchi definitely had a point and as much as he wanted to see his face, Tsukishima couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if they turned the lights off.

“Do you want to turn off the lights?” Tsukishima asked, lifting a brow.

Yamaguchi got up as he answered. “Well it would make this a whole lot easier.” he said, flicking off the lights and clumsily making his way back to the bed. _Oh god…_

Yamaguchi placed his hands on Tsukishima’s shoulders and was about to lean in again but Tsukishima stopped him, as much as it hurt to do so.

“Hold on Yamaguchi.” he said, sighing before moving on. “Just what are we even trying to do here? We’ve kissed three times already and it’s not any less awkward so… what are you trying to prove?”

Tsukishima’s heart was still in play here after all. Even though he was getting all the attention he could ever want from Yamaguchi, he still wanted to know where he stood.

“What? I’m not trying to prove anything Tsukki, I just… want to do this right once.”

Nothing about this was particularly _right_ and Tsukishima was about to protest again, but covered under the veil of darkness, when Yamaguchi parted his lips and started kissing him again, he couldn’t help but slide his hand up in Yamaguchi’s hair and running his other palm down his arm. It was amazing what practicing serves had done for Yamaguchi’s biceps, unfair really. Yamaguchi’s arms had snaked around Tsukishima’s neck as he pecked at his lips, the kiss running longer, getting deeper. Tsukishima could feel his blood racing through him and he flicked his tongue out to find Yamaguchi’s.

Yamaguchi gasped in his throat when he felt the blond’s tongue against his lips, but he didn’t keep Tsukishima waiting for long and his tongue quickly joined the mix as well. It was as if flicking the lights off flicked a switch in both of them, a comforting push to go just a bit further, get a bit lost, but slowly figure it out together.

When they finally parted, their breathing was heavy, arms draped every which way over each other as they still sat at the edge of the bed. Tsukishima didn’t even care how he’d feel about this in the morning. The kiss had been so intense that it just sent his mind buzzing into a place where all he wanted to do was try everything under the sun with Yamaguchi right there in his room that night, though he knew in the back of his mind that he needed to have _some_ control.

“Um…” Yamaguchi started. Tsukishima lightly flinched, he almost didn’t want to hear what was gonna come next. That kiss had been way too much, hadn’t it? “That was… that was helpful.”

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, despite it not being seen. “Was it?”

Even in the dark, Tsukishima could make out the whites of Yamaguchi’s eyes, and they looked wide with a realization. “I uh… definitely know I like boys now.” he stated it, but there was still a distance in Yamaguchi’s voice that Tsukishima didn’t quite understand. Though his confusion didn’t last for long when he noticed Yamaguchi glance down at himself and it clicked. He couldn’t help the snort that came out, he just couldn’t believe it!

“Are you turned on, Yamaguchi?” he asked, ever so amused.

“W-wha… agh, shut up Tsukki!”

And for probably the first time in their lives, the tides had turned. “Sorry, Yamaguchi.” though he did say it through a laugh, not sorry in the slightest. He really couldn’t stop laughing. Yamaguchi grunted and got up, flicking on the light and ready to stomp out of the room, boner and all but Tsukishima caught his wrist. “Hold on. It’s okay. You know that right?”

“Yes.” Yamaguchi sighed. “And I know we’re just experimenting but do you really think I’m ready to experiment with this?” he asked, waving his hand to gesture in front of his crotch. He was clearly flustered at this point.

Tsukishima let go of his wrist and put his hands up in surrender. “Fair enough.” he said.

Yamaguchi sat back down, though he did wince at the tightness in his jeans and tried to adjust as best as he could given the circumstance. “Well then, what about you?”

“Huh?”

“That kiss… did it help you figure anything out?”

_Only that I want to touch you more…_ was all Tsukishima could think to say, but that definitely wasn’t what came out. Tsukishima came to the halting realization that all they had done moments ago was in fact just an experiment to see how they felt about kissing boys, and suddenly, the blond’s lie felt all the more painful. Still, here Yamaguchi was, nursing an erection that _he_ had caused. That should have been his signal to just spit it out, to kick his ego to the curb and tell Yamaguchi how much he wanted him, but Kei Tsukishima was never that direct over how he really felt about anything.

“Results inconclusive.” he said, adjusting his glasses mostly to hide his smirk.

“Whaaa…” Yamaguchi’s voice stretched out for a while, unable to even process what that could possibly mean. “Do you need to experiment more or something?”

Tsukishima folded his arms, his expression fallen into his relaxed scowl and he nodded at Yamaguchi. “Aren’t there other things you’re curious about?”

Yamaguchi looked up at the ceiling as he gave it some thought. “I mean, I guess…” he began, but then his expression snapped open as if he realized something and then reached for his laptop again, typing furiously. Tsukishima eyed him curiously. He could see Yamaguchi’s eyes scan over the screen for a second before flipping it around and Tsukishima went wide eyed at the sight of a very familiar image search he had made just the other day.

“Okay Tsukki, I’m just gonna be honest with you because we’re already down this road, but I can’t stop thinking about all this stuff. Guys do this stuff, right?”

Tsukishima glanced back and forth between the wall of fanart and Yamaguchi’s serious face. He wasn’t sure what kind an answer Yamaguchi was was waiting for, but he knew he had to say something.

“How am I supposed to know?”

Yamaguchi turned the laptop back to him and looked down at the screen.

“Looks like they’re enjoying themselves in all these drawings…” he said distantly, more so talking to himself as he thought about it.

Tsukishima scoffed out a laugh. “You wanna see what all the fuss is about?” he asked, half joking, just to see how Yamaguchi would react.

“Kind of.” was Yamaguchi’s ever so serious response.

“One step at a time, Yamaguchi.” he said, waving his hand dismissively in Yamaguchi’s direction.

There was a pause, and Yamaguchi made eye contact with the suspicious blond before looking back down at his laptop, typing up a storm again.

“I’m making a list.”

And that’s how Tsukishima got roped into the most daring summer of his life. Not that he could complain, but his feelings still lingered at the back of his mind, that unrelenting irritation...

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was that awkward enough for you all? xDD WELP. The next chapter should be fun! Hope you all enjoyed this one! :)


	3. Chapter 3

To say that Tsukishima was shocked was an understatement. The blond had really only started thinking about these kinds of things a short while ago, and it devolved into thoughts about Yamaguchi so quickly after the fact that he never really spoke to the freckled boy about it. He had no idea what Yamaguchi thought about kissing or touching, or that the boy even thought about sex, but he supposed it was only natural that he did. He had no idea he was so curious about these kinds of things and if Tsukishima could be honest with himself, he was pretty overwhelmed at the discovery.

“A list? Yamaguchi, come on-”

Yamaguchi lifted his hand to cut Tsukishima off, eyes glued to the screen as he kept typing with the other.

“I’ve never exactly put all my thoughts to paper before, it’s just for reference.”

“Can I read it?”

“No.”

Tsukishima didn’t want to prod anymore. He still couldn’t believe that his prodding had delivered _this_ to him. A curious Yamaguchi who wanted to experiment with him was probably more than he deserved at this point considering everything he had been keeping from his best friend, but he couldn’t say no to this. His _body_ couldn’t say no to this, even though he knew that if he didn’t have feelings for Yamaguchi in the first place, he probably wouldn’t be interested in this experiment at all. He wondered if Yamaguchi could figure that out on his own, but with how intent the freckled boy seemed to be with his secret list, Tsukishima assumed that he was probably thinking about this on a whole different level…

...and Yamaguchi was probably assuming that Tsukishima felt the same way…

...But he could deal with that!

_Maybe..._

“Alright!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, looking up at Tsukishima with bright eyes and an innocent smile, as if he hadn’t just looked up a ton of porn and written down some mysterious lewd list at all.

Tsukishima’s expression was the same as always, composed, slightly apathetic, as he looked back at Yamaguchi.

“That didn’t take long.”

“I type fast.”

“Right.”

Yamaguchi paused for a moment before pressing on. He seemed a little less confident now that he was actually looking at the person he had suggested this whole thing to. It seemed like Yamaguchi was suddenly aware that this was a really strange thing to do with your best friend and his shoulders drooped like they used to when he was nervous about making a serve.

“Uhh… we don’t have to do everything on the list. Or at all, I guess uh… You can make your own even! Or not… gah…”

Tsukishima knew he had to do some kind of damage control. When Yamaguchi got fired up, the boy felt invincible but the doubts always seemed to rush in once he thought about things for too long. It wasn’t even about missing out on this chance, he just didn’t want Yamaguchi to feel like he was an idiot or something.

“I already told you it’s not a big deal. We have to figure this stuff out at some point, may as well be with someone you trust.” he said, though he furrowed his brows when he realized what he had uttered was ridiculously sentimental. He wanted to puke, but he put on a smirk instead. “Unless you don’t actually trust me.” he joked.

But Yamaguchi’s face was serious as he processed what Tsukishima said.

“I trust you, Tsukki.” he said, his tone honest, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It made Tsukishima’s heart jump.

“...Well good.” the blond said simply, too pre-occupied with the fluttering in his chest to really concentrate on what to say next, but he tried his best. “Now we’re clear. So, what’s the first thing on your list, you can at least tell me that.”

Yamaguchi looked down at his list but he tensed up and didn’t want to say anything.

“Ugh, come on. Tell me or I’ll steal your laptop and read the whole thing.” Tsukishima said impatiently.

Yamaguchi sighed. “Okay, fine. But I’m setting some ground rules before we do this.”

Yamaguchi’s terms were fairly simple. One, Tsukishima wasn’t allowed to laugh at any of his ideas. Two, feedback was encouraged. That’s pretty much all he had, but Tsukishima decided to add one of his own.

“And no compliments.” he stated, though Yamaguchi looked confused. “None of that _‘your lips are soft’_ crap. Just comment on the actions, alright?”

Yamaguchi nodded. “I-I guess that makes sense.” he said.

Tsukishima had to make that clear, to Yamaguchi and to himself, because he was certain if Yamaguchi ever said something like that again, he’d completely lose control over his own words, and lord knows what he’d say in the heat of the moment.

“Okay. So, tell me what the first thing is.”

Yamaguchi took a deep breath. “Uuh… I wrote tongue kissing.”

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. “Huh? But we just did that.”

“I know! You told me one step at a time, Tsukki. I’m not done with _this_ step yet.” he explained.

“Right.”

Silence fell between them and Tsukishima wondered if he should make a move again, or if he should ask or…

“Right, uhh…” Yamaguchi closed his laptop and put it to the side. He shifted himself over to where Tsukishima had sat against the wall and leaned in close, noses nearly touching. Tsukishima could feel Yamaguchi’s short nervous breaths on his lips and he couldn’t help but swallow at the sensation. They had just done this, but now that the lights were back on, Tsukishima had a whole new view and Yamaguchi looked really good so close to him like that, bits of dark hair falling into his eyes and twitching around as he blinked his lids closed. It scared Tsukishima just how used to this he could get and he slowly moved in to meet Yamaguchi where he waited with his lips parted ever so slightly.

“Tadashi! Is Kei still here? His mother was looking for him!” called Yamaguchi’s mom from somewhere out in the hall. Yamaguchi jumped about a meter backwards before hopping to his feet. Tsukishima himself felt like his heart was going to explode.

“Y-y-yeah, mom!” he called back.

“Ah, right. My mom had some chores she wanted me to take care of in the morning.” Tsukishima explained, getting up off the bed.

“Of course…” Yamaguchi said, clearly getting nervous again.

“We can watch more of that drama tomorrow.” said Tsukishima “In my room.” he added a bit quieter, just to give Yamaguchi that extra push he seemed to need over this. Tsukishima’s wording put a grin on Yamaguchi’s face.

“Don’t tell me that’s code now.” he said.

Tsukishima couldn’t help his smirk.

“It might be.”

 

+++

 

And that it was, for when Tsukishima explained to his parents that he and Yamaguchi had another long marathon planned out for the evening and to try not bothering them, the poor little sports drama was quickly abandoned behind the blond’s locked door.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi sat crossed legged on the bed across from each other, unsure of where to begin. Yamaguchi had a strained expression on his face, as if he was trying to figure out a difficult math problem, and Tsukishima looked the same as ever, though he definitely felt his blood running faster in anticipation for what Yamaguchi was going to say.

“So…” he began, and Tsukishima listened intently. “...What could I have done better?”

“Based on the kiss last night?” he asked. Yamaguchi nodded. Tsukishima thought about it for a second. He knew he’d have to speak his mind, Yamaguchi wanted honest feedback after all, but he suddenly realized that he actually felt shy at the prospect of discussing this stuff in such detail. He tried his best to shake off the jitters before Yamaguchi noticed anything. “Well, you slipped around a lot, your tongue I mean. It was a bit a sloppy.”

“Aren’t tongue kisses supposed to be a bit sloppy?” Yamaguchi asked, his head tilting adorably to the side.

“What? I guess so… but I mean, you’re supposed to control it a little, aren’t you?”

Yamaguchi paused to think, tapping his fingers on his leg as he mulled over whatever was going on in his head.

“Alright then, let me try something.” he said, bending forward on his hands to lean closer to Tsukishima’s face. “O-open your lips a little…” he spoke softly, a bit shy now that he was so close. Tsukishima didn’t say anything, only did as he was told, curious to see what Yamaguchi had planned.

Finally, Yamaguchi leaned in and closed the distance between them. It was a soft kiss at first, he pecked gently a few times against Tsukishima’s lips, getting used to the sensation and working them open a little more. Tsukishima simply let Yamaguchi take the lead on this one and did all that the boy’s lips asked of him. Slowly, Yamaguchi slid his tongue inside, only a bit, hesitantly exploring, but he gradually gained more confidence in his motions and firmly slid his tongue along the side of Tsukishima’s, calmly dragging it over the top and to the other side, bringing it back to the tip and repeating the whole motion over again. Yamaguchi soon found his rhythm and Tsukishima’s mind was simply buzzing from the sensation of Yamaguchi rolling their tongues together over and over.

Tsukishima wondered for a second if Yamaguchi had picked up another practice partner between then and last night because his kissing had improved far too much over such a vague bit of feedback. Just as Tsukishima was about to lose his breath (because how could he even _think_ about breathing at that point), Yamaguchi gently pulled back, letting his tongue drag along Tsukishima’s on the way out.

“So, how was that one?” he asked against the blond’s lips.

Did Tsukishima even know how to speak anymore? What were words, again?

“Better.” he said hoarsely. He brought up his hand and ran his thumb over his bottom lip. “Still wet…” he muttered as he wiped the saliva away.

“I think that’s unavoidable, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi threw back, his voice sounding really deep all of a sudden.

“Right. Well, it was good then.”

Yamaguchi finally sat back on his feet and Tsukishima could finally breathe. Yamaguchi had a beaming smile on his face.

“Really!?” he asked excitedly, completely killing whatever mood was building before, but Tsukishima didn’t really mind. Yamaguchi was cute when he was proud, though Tsukishima was intrigued to see more of the side he had just witnessed. How on earth did Yamaguchi’s voice get so _deep_?

Tsukishima’s only response was to nod but Yamaguchi refused to take that as his only answer.

“Well, tell me more! What did I do better that time?”

Tsukishima was really not cut out for this, but he pushed forward as best as he could.

“You were way more in control of your motions that time. And the way you rolled your tongue around was-...” Tsukishima trailed off, his face beginning to burn at just the mere thought of how good that kiss just was. Yamaguchi was patiently waiting his full answer though.

“Was…?”

“You know what? I’m just going to show you what you did, you’ll get it.”

“Oh, oka-” but Yamaguchi was cut off as Tsukishima leaned over and kissed the freckled boy the exact same way he had before, gentle beginning, slow entry and that sensual rolling of the tongue that Yamaguchi had apparently so quickly perfected. Tsukishima mirrored Yamaguchi’s dragging exit as well as he pulled back to see Yamaguchi’s reaction.

“See?”

Yamaguchi looked positively dazed when he looked back at Tsukishima with half lidded eyes. It took the boy a moment to clue in that he was supposed to say something.

“Y-yeah… I get it.” he said, his voice drenched with a hoarseness that Tsukishima found positively intriguing. _God_ , he wanted to hear it more…

There was a pause before Yamaguchi started leaning in towards Tsukishima again. “Do you want to try again, Tsukki?” he asked.

He did, but the fire burning in his veins was urging him to be a bit more daring.

“Only if you let _me_ try something this time.” he said with a smirk. Yamaguchi only nodded, as if in a trance, hypnotized by the sight of Tsukishima’s lips.

When their lips locked this time it was far more of a team effort than before, well learned from their previous experience. Tsukishima couldn’t help himself this time and brought his hand up to run through Yamaguchi’s hair, relishing in the soft strands between his fingers until Yamaguchi pulled away from the kiss enough to allow Tsukishima to do what he wanted to try. He found Yamaguchi’s bottom lip with his teeth and gently pulled at it, eliciting a soft gasp from the freckled boy.

“Biting, Tsukki?” he questioned through a shaky breath.

Tsukishima couldn’t help but smirk at the reaction he caused. “Was that on your list?” he asked, and his heart hammered hard against his chest when Yamaguchi smirked back at him.

“Maybe.” he said before nipping Tsukishima right back, and just like that they were on each others lips again. Yamaguchi was surprisingly forceful, and only pushed Tsukishima back further and further with his kisses, not that Tsukishima minded at all, it felt so good tasting Yamaguchi like this, exploring his mouth to figure out exactly what he liked. He was so entranced by the feeling that Tsukishima hadn’t even noticed how low he had gotten and how much Yamaguchi hovered over him at that point. It was only when the blond thunked his head against the wall did he pay attention.

“Ah.” he winced, breaking the kiss completely.

“Ack, sorry, Tsukki! Are you okay?”

With the moment broken again, Tsukishima slid up to sit, leaning his back against the wall, though Yamaguchi was still practically straddling his lap.

“I’m fine.” he said through a scoff of laughter. Yamaguchi couldn’t hold back the snort and they were chuckling at each other before long.

“Pfft, okay, okay.” Yamaguchi tried to settle his giggles, passing his hand through his careless locks of hair to compose himself. He sat back a bit to give Tsukishima some space, but he was still kind of sitting on the blond’s knees. “Was that good?”

“Yes.” Tsukishima said frankly. He was too pleased with what they just did to say it in a roundabout way. “Was the biting good?” he shot back.

“I liked it.” Yamaguchi answered, though he did look away when he said it. “And you were right, it was on my list but, not exactly like you did.”

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” he simply asked, the _‘and where do you want to be bit, Yamaguchi?’_ was heavily implied.

Yamaguchi glanced back to meet Tsukishima’s gaze, mouth opening to say something but it was only replaced with a shy smile. The blond watched on patiently, his eye catching Yamaguchi’s hand lifting, his index finger straightening forward as he slowly brought it up to slide over the curve of his own neck, making it pretty clear to Tsukishima where he wanted to be kissed next. Tsukishima swallowed despite himself, and desperately hoped he didn’t look as hungry for Yamaguchi as he felt. It had been such a shy and gentle gesture, and yet it was the sexiest thing he had possibly seen in his lifetime.

He leaned forward, licking his lips before hovering over the spot Yamaguchi’s finger still lay.

“Do you want me to try?” he asked, slowly pulling Yamaguchi’s hand away from his neck.

“Y-yeah…” Yamaguchi answered and Tsukishima was about to get right on that before Yamaguchi quickly warned. “No marks, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima grinned. “No problem, Yamaguchi.” he said, and not a second later he was placing an experimental kiss on what had to be the softest skin in the world. Tsukishima was convinced.

He felt Yamaguchi’s body twitch at the touch as he placed a few more gentle kisses over the curve, so Tsukishima put his hands on Yamaguchi’s hips to keep him steady. He kept it up, eventually running his tongue up the slope, stopping to place a kiss behind Yamaguchi’s ear and deciding last minute to roll his earlobe between his lips, lapping at it and suckling gently before pulling away in order to see Yamaguchi’s reaction. The boy had been pretty quiet through the whole action, so Tsukishima was wondering what was up.

“Yama-...” he began to ask, but immediately noticed that Yamaguchi had his hand clamped over his mouth and his cheeks were very red. “What’s wrong?”

Yamaguchi shook his head and muttered something behind his hand. Tsukishima got irritated and pulled the hand away.

“What?” he asked more aggressively.

“Aaah, I didn’t think I’d like that ear thing so much.” he explained, though the words came out so fast it was practically a geyser of speech. Tsukishima snorted.

“Idiot, you don’t have to cover your noises, just don’t be loud.”

“But Tsukki, I don’t know how loud I can be…” he whined through a whisper.

Tsukishima didn’t know why that did it for him, but he definitely felt himself twitch harder in his pants.

“Well then just… be careful. But don’t hide your sounds.”

He didn’t elaborate, but Yamaguchi seemed to understand though he still seemed hesitant. The freckled boy placed his hands on Tsukishima’s shoulders and then tilted his head to the side, revealing that soft curve once more.

“Okay, try it again.”

Tsukishima didn’t waste a second. He wanted to go straight for the ear again, but figured he shouldn’t be so hasty. His kisses along Yamaguchi’s neck were a lot wetter this time as he sucked softly and slowly tugged a bit of skin with his teeth the way the freckled boy had quietly suggested before. Yamaguchi made a gentle sound in his throat that time, breathing through the feeling of getting his neck kissed and nipped. Tsukishima’s grip on Yamaguchi’s hips tightened, and he couldn’t hold back on that ear thing anymore, flicking at the lobe with his tongue this time before gently nibbling at it.

“Ah-... Ts-Tsukki…” Yamaguchi’s voice was breathy, but Tsukishima could tell that he was still trying to hold something in. The blond brought his lips up to speak in Yamaguchi’s ear.

“Moan if you want to. Feedback’s encouraged right? I want to know how I’m doing.”

Saying that alone was enough to trigger a soft moan delivered soaked in Yamaguchi’s deepest voice. “That’s better…” Tsukishima encouraged. That’s exactly what he wanted to hear.

“Y-you can… try biting it harder…” Yamaguchi said, his breath getting rather heavy and Tsukishima could swear that he felt his hips trying to move forward in his grip. Tsukishima didn’t say anything and merely did what he was told, biting down harder on the lobe and tugging it back a bit roughly, drawing out a long moan from Yamaguchi's throat. He seemed like he enjoyed the sudden use of force. Tsukishima smirked to himself at such a discovery.

The blond didn’t stop to gauge Yamaguchi’s reaction this time. With the light gasps, and shuddery moans through heavy breaths the freckled boy was giving to him, it was all the feedback Tsukishima needed. He dragged his tongue from behind Yamaguchi’s ear, back to the curve and started moving his wet kisses to the front of his neck and finally around to the other side where Tsukishima couldn’t leave Yamaguchi’s other ear waiting.

“Mm…” Yamaguchi moaned but it morphed into a gentle bit of breathless laughter. “I can’t get over how good this feels.” he said as if he just couldn’t believe it. “Tsukki, you have to let me try it on you.”

Tsukishima wasn’t opposed to the idea but he also didn’t want to stop giving Yamaguchi all this attention. He also wondered whether or not he could handle getting this kind of attention from him. It was different when they were kissing, his mouth was occupied, but if Tsukishima was honest with himself, he wasn’t quite sure how loud _he_ could get either. He still pulled back though, if only to see Yamaguchi’s face which was deliciously flushed as it wore a smirk that told Tsukishima he was definitely turned on. It gave Tsukishima the confidence to take Yamaguchi up on his offer and he leaned back against the wall.

“Alright.”

Yamaguchi’s smirk turned into a full on grin and Tsukishima scoffed playfully. _This dork…_

But the goofiness didn’t last very long before Yamaguchi copied all of Tsukishima’s actions on his neck.

It _did_ feel good. Yamaguchi’s wet kisses sliding over the curve, a soft nip of the teeth here and there, and Tsukishima couldn’t help the tugging feeling in his chest. Sure he was starting to wake up downstairs too but there was something about what they were doing, something about the intimacy of just exploring each other like this, even though it wasn’t supposed to be romantic, that made Tsukishima’s feelings bloom all the more. He really liked this side of Yamaguchi. He really liked how the boy always wanted to learn, how curious he was but at the same time getting suddenly shy right after sharing what he wanted. He liked that Yamaguchi trusted him enough to  share this side of him at all.

He just… _really liked_ Yamaguchi, there was no way around it.

Yamaguchi finished sucking at Tsukishima’s ear and the blond felt a shiver run down his spine at the boy’s warm breath against it.

“Do you like that, Tsukki? You’re kind of quiet.”

“Guess I’m just not as loud as you…” Tsukishima smirked.

“Tsukki, no teasing…” he whined.

“I know, I know. I liked it.”

“Yeah?” Yamaguchi perked up, beaming again over the good job he had apparently done. He rubbed the back of his head and shyly looked away again, clearing the hoarseness from his voice before speaking. “Ah, you know Tsukki, this is actually a lot of fun.” he admitted.

“You think?” Tsukishima asked, though it was delivered with a ‘well-obviously’ type of tone. _Of course_ this was fun.

“I almost can’t wait to try this stuff with someone, I’ve learned a lot already.” he went on excitedly, but the words were like an arrow to Tsukishima’s chest.

There it was again, the truth he had been avoiding. He knew this was just supposed to be practice and experimentation. He knew that’s what Yamaguchi assumed they were doing here and he had every right to assume that, but it only made the fact sink in further that he didn’t really see Tsukishima the same way he saw Yamaguchi. Tsukishima was convinced that if he told him the truth now, it would all stop and he really didn’t want that, not after everything he had just discovered.

Maybe it was dishonest...

Maybe Tsukishima had no right to have so much trust given to him...

“Ha ha, but I mean, that’s unlikely any time soon.” Yamaguchi continued without pause.

...But for now, it really was just the two of them, and Tsukishima wouldn’t waste that.

He smirked it all off, folding his arms and giving Yamaguchi his classic smug look. “Then you have time to practice more. You’ll need it.” he playfully challenged.

Yamaguchi could have looked offended if it wasn’t for the upwards curve of his lips. “Pfft, is that so? I could say the same for you.” he shot back.

Dammit, when did Yamaguchi get so feisty? He wondered if it was just a side of him that only came out in bed. Yamaguchi probably didn’t even know he was acting like that. Or maybe he did and Tsukishima wasn’t giving him nearly enough credit. Regardless, the blond leaned it close to Yamaguchi’s lips and spoke against them.

“Well then teach me your ways, Yamaguchi-sensei.” he joked, though his voice was pitched low.

“Gah, stop that,Tsukki! Stuff like that was _way_ further down on my list!” Yamaguchi stammered as he blurted out one of his many secrets.

Tsukishima just _had_ to get his hands on that list.

But he supposed for now he’d settle for more of Yamaguchi’s tongue in his mouth and he leaned in to kiss him again. As long as he could lost in Yamaguchi’s curiosity for now, it was all Tsukishima needed…

...At least, that’s what he thought.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this came out pretty fast 8'D ! I hope I'm not losing the characters through all of this at all, trying my best to stay on point while developing and also writing stuff like this, uwah. Hope you guys liked this one. Next chapter should be up soon enough *u*


	4. Chapter 4

Avoiding another heart attack was at the forefront of Tsukishima’s mind when his mom knocked on the door and jiggled at the knob, asking about where Tadashi was when she realized she couldn’t get inside.

“He’s going home now, mom!” Tsukishima called, his voice cracking just a bit since Yamaguchi had just nipped particularly hard on his earlobe. Yamaguchi snorted into his neck at the sound. Tsukishima glared and pushed him off.

“Let’s have a sleepover tomorrow!” Yamaguchi declared as he got up on his feet.

Tsukishima nearly choked, though he quickly realized that they’d been having sleepovers since they were little and Yamaguchi always said it brightly like that.

“Sure.” Tsukishima agreed flatly.

“And… we’ll watch a whole season then.” he stated, his expression far more serious than it had any right to be.

Tsukishima blinked, Yamaguchi smirked, and the blond just completely lost his grip on reality…

 

+++

 

As much as he was worrying about his feelings through this situation, Tsukishima was pretty pleased over the fact that he and Yamaguchi _could_ still easily slip back into their routine as friends. It made things a lot easier to deal with on the whole. Despite the new sides they had already shared with each other, there wasn’t much awkwardness or hesitation when it came to just going over to Yamaguchi’s house and getting some snacks together, having a brief chat with his family on their way out the door and even when they found themselves alone for the evening, Tsukishima still felt that friendly comfort in Yamaguchi’s presence, one that always brought him a certain level of peace.

Though, Tsukishima still couldn’t help but ask.

“Did you know your parents were going out tonight?”

Yamaguchi smiled and shrugged. Tsukishima wondered if Yamaguchi knew how attractive that attitude was.

“We can drop the pretense then, you did say you wanted to watch a whole season.”

“Impatient?” Yamaguchi asked with grin.

Tsukishima blinked, unphased. “That no teasing goes both ways, you know.” he deadpanned.

“Sorry, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said, genuinely apologetic as he put down whatever snacks he had on his nightstand. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked over at Tsukishima, but the blond could tell that Yamaguchi was zoning in on nerves again.

“You’re not nervous after everything we did yesterday are you?” Tsukishima asked, casually sitting down next to Yamaguchi. The freckled boy jumped slightly.

“Aha, I knew you’d be able to tell.”

“I don’t know, you’re not bad at faking smugness.” he teased, lifting his hand to playfully nudge Yamaguchi’s chin. He pulled back when he noticed how much that made Yamaguchi squirm though. Was Tsukishima _flirting_? What the hell was he trying to do!?

Yamaguchi laughed it off though. “H-hey, you said no compliments, Tsukki!”

Tsukishima tried his best not to run straight out the door. “You’re right. You get a free one then.”

“Wha, really?” Yamaguchi asked, looking a bit surprised but quickly switching to happy and possibly even a bit relieved. “Oh good, I’ll save it then. You have no idea how hard it is to hold back when you’re doing… um, that stuff… heh.”

Tsukishima felt his stomach dip. He had no idea that Yamaguchi was  even thinking about anything more than just developing his kissing technique. How much had he held back?

However, he didn’t have much time to dwell on it for Yamaguchi was already shifting himself closer.

“So, kissing?” he inquired.

“I guess. Isn’t there anything else on your list you wanted to get to though?”

Yamaguchi squirmed. Any mention of that list seemed to put him on edge for some reason. Tsukishima scoffed.

“Yamaguchi, you know it’s pointless to be shy about that list at this point. Why did you even write it in the first place?”

“ _Personal reference!_ ” he squawked.

“Fine, I’ll stop bringing it up then.” he gave up and started leaning in towards Yamaguchi who seemed to be pulling away at the same time. “What?” Tsukishima asked once he realized what was going on, possibly with an expression that looked a bit too aggravated.

“Well, there’s just this one thing… but I mean, it’s weird if I say it and then do it and so, um…”

Tsukishima sighed, shuffling across the bed to the wall and laying down on his side. He lazily propped his head up on his hand.

“You’re too nervous. It can’t be _that_ bad. Just, do it when you’re ready, whatever it is.”

Yamaguchi looked down at him, about to say something but he closed his mouth around the word and nodded instead. He smiled as if to wash away the nerves. “You’re right Tsukki.” he said, getting up to turn off the lights. “Jeeze, I’m really happy you’re the one I’m doing this with. I don’t know if I’d even be able to handle the pressure with someone else.”

How could he even _say_ that so casually? Tsukishima had to wonder, maybe Yamaguchi liked him too? Or maybe he was just saying that because they’ve been friends for so long. It was probably that one. Though Tsukishima was certain most friends didn’t do stuff like this, or maybe they did and he was thinking too hard about all of it again. He always did when it came to this, but as soon as he felt the other side of the bed dip under Yamaguchi’s weight, the thoughts rushed off again, because this was the easy part, and Tsukishima liked it when things were easy.

Yamaguchi rolled to his side as well, facing Tsukishima. Between the moonlight and and the orange of a streetlamp coming in through the window, they could both see fine enough and Tsukishima caught Yamaguchi taking a deep breath.

“Hey.” Tsukishima called, his voice surprisingly soft veiled under the darkness.

“What?” Yamaguchi asked, his voice gentle as well, as if they were about to trade quiet secrets. Though, they kind of were…

“It’s just me, so… relax, okay?” he said, knowing Yamaguchi needed the reassurance again. He reached up and curled a piece of Yamaguchi’s hair around his finger absently. Yamaguchi scooted a bit closer to him as Tsukishima pulled his hand away, and he leaned in to kiss the blond.

“Thanks.” he said warmly.

It didn’t take long to pick back up what they were doing the night before, except with the absence of parents in the house, it was a bit more comfortable knowing they wouldn’t be interrupted this time. Though, that brought a thought charging through Tsukishima’s mind, and he pondered it as Yamaguchi sucked at his earlobe again. If they weren’t going to be interrupted, how far were they going to go? Certainly Yamaguchi didn’t even intend to go _that_ far at all, regardless of how much privacy they had. _Did he?_ As much as Tsukishima liked doing these things with him, even _he_ thought that sex was a little much for this kind of arrangement. He knew he had to ask Yamaguchi about it...

“Something wrong, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi questioned, since Tsukishima had been out of it for a bit too long at that point.

“What? No, nothing’s wrong. I was just wondering… about something…” he said hesitantly, kind of losing his nerve at the prospect of prodding this sensitive situation.

“What is it?” Yamaguchi sounded nothing but supportive as he asked.

“I was just wondering how far you intended to go… with this experiment.”

“Hm, I never thought about it, really. Kind of too busy figuring out the stuff we’re doing now.” he explained with a grin.

“Right, yeah, of course.”

Yamaguchi could tell Tsukishima wasn’t necessarily satisfied with that answer though. “B-but uh… do you mean like…” Yamaguchi gestured his hand around in the air, trying to find the word, or rather, trying to find something in the air to steady himself before saying the word.

“Sex.” Tsukishima ended the sentence bluntly.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, hiding his face. Tsukishima snorted.

“I’m gonna take that as a no if you can’t even say the word.”

Yamaguchi peeped out from behind his fingers. “Well don’t say it so suddenly! And yes, I thought about it but… That’s a huge step, I-”

“It’s okay.” Tsukishima could already tell what Yamaguchi was going to say, and he didn't exactly want to hear it. “You probably wanna save that for someone you’re in love with, right?” he asked, merely assuming as his heart clenched on his question.

Yamaguchi didn’t answer right away, but he did take his hands away from his face. “I don’t know.” he eventually said, distantly as if he was thinking really hard about it. Tsukishima felt his held breath burning in his chest. Had he asked too much? Was this going to end here and now? Yamaguchi looked like he already regretted everything…

But he was quickly smiling again, and Tsukishima was confused. “Ah, I don’t think it’s anything we need to worry about.” he said. _What did that mean?_ “Besides, you told me I needed practice and we’re here now, and it’s a lot of fun so…” Yamaguchi trailed off, deciding to kiss Tsukishima instead of talking.

Was that it then? Yamaguchi didn’t mind sharing all of his firsts with him? Tsukishima supposed first time things were overrated anyway, maybe… But that thought left an even more bitter taste in his mouth. What train of thought did Yamaguchi go through to grin so carefree again? Was it not a big deal because he didn’t intend to go that far anyway?

Tsukishima had to trust that Yamaguchi knew what he wanted and had known from the beginning. The blond had never forced him into anything, after all, and besides, all his worrying over what was going on in Yamaguchi’s head was making him really unresponsive to Yamaguchi’s actions, and they _were_ still in the thick of this…

...Maybe Tsukishima was the nervous one now. He sighed, trying to work himself down from the frenzy he had kicked up in his head, closing his eyes and just feeling for a while, remembering how good Yamaguchi felt last night and here he was again, nipping at his neck and trailing kisses up to Tsukishima’s lips, where the blond caught them in stride. He felt Yamaguchi moan in his mouth as that oh so delicious tongue rolling took precedent over anything else.

As the heat of their kiss grew, Tsukishima could feel himself relax again, and he could tell Yamaguchi was getting comfortable too. That was enough for him, he wouldn’t question this anymore.

“Mm… Tsukki…” Yamaguchi said between a peck at his lips. “Try sucking on my tongue.” was his gentle request.

Tsukishima glanced down to where it stuck out shyly between Yamaguchi’s lips. He didn’t say anything, only moved in and did just that, though he let go pretty quickly when Yamaguchi started laughing.

“Oh God… that’s weird, ha ha!”

Tsukishima scoffed out a laugh. “Yes.”

Yamaguchi shrugged it off and went back to kissing Tsukishima like they had been before. That’s what it was all about after all, stumbling through one small request after the other, and after a while they found a comfortable rhythm of exchange.

_Try nibbling here, Tsukki._

_Lick up behind there, Yamaguchi._

As easy as that, and Tsukishima didn’t even bother asking about any other item on Yamaguchi’s silly list. This was better, and felt so natural to Tsukishima that it was almost overwhelming.

Tsukishima could feel Yamaguchi’s breath coming through his nose in sharp huffs. It spurred him to kiss a bit harder, let his lips drag wetter, and Tsukishima was so caught up in how good their kiss was, he almost didn’t notice when Yamaguchi had ventured down to curl his fingers around Tsukishima’s. Suddenly the buzzing in his mind over the kiss was replaced with a fluttering feeling in his chest, because Yamaguchi was holding his hand and for some reason that made his heart beat faster than any other thing they had done so far.

He didn’t question it, only let the freckled boy do as he pleased, though he soon felt his hand being pulled upwards, higher towards where their lips locked, and as Yamaguchi eased out of the kiss, he brought Tsukishima’s hand close to his mouth and laid one of his wet pecks on the blond’s fingertips.

“Yamaguchi?” he asked. His voice was way rougher than he thought it would be, and he could feel the mix of their laboured breathing dampen his hand. Yamaguchi kissed his fingertips again, lingering a bit longer this time as he flicked out just a bit of tongue over the top knuckle. He lifted his gaze to meet Tsukishima’s.

“Something from my list…” he explained, smirking just behind Tsukishima’s hand.

“Okay.” was Tsukishima’s response, breathless despite himself.

He only watched intently, wondering what Yamaguchi had in mind. Well, he had a vague idea, but he was intrigued anyway. Yamaguchi’s gaze flickered back down to Tsukishima’s hand. He kissed the top knuckles again, twice, a third time, drawing out the action more and more. On the fourth kiss, Yamaguchi gave a gentle suckle on the tips of Tsukishima’s middle and index fingers, drawing back and kissing again, taking in more of the length of the slender digits each time until he reached the second knuckle.

Tsukishima could feel anticipation rumbling at the base of his stomach, pushing out heavy breaths as he caught on to what Yamaguchi was doing. He kept watching as Yamaguchi languidly pulled Tsukishima’s fingers in and out of his mouth, dragging wet lips over them and running his tongue along the sides. Tsukishima was hypnotized by the motion, licking his lips subconsciously at the view, each new warm drag sending a jolt of pleasure straight to his groin.

Yamaguchi was intent on continuing, his eyes closed and mouth concentrated on the fingers that were getting sloppy with saliva. He pulled his lips back and spread the two fingers apart so he could lick a stripe on the inside of the middle and index as well. His eyes finally flickered open and he looked straight at Tsukishima with such a heated glare that the blond almost didn’t recognize the person in front of him, but it made him swallow, gulping back the urge to just push Yamaguchi’s head down and get that mouth of his on something else, because this… _this was too much._

“D-don’t look at me like that…” Tsukishima grumbled.

Yamaguchi popped his lips away from the tips of Tsukishima’s fingers and blinked curiously. “Like what?”

“Like _that_.” he emphasized “Especially when you’re doing something like… this…” he looked to where Yamaguchi still held his hand between them

“Why? Because you don’t like it?” It was an innocent question, Yamaguchi was just trying to see if he was doing something wrong or if it was only something that Tsukishima didn’t really like personally. Either way, it meant that Tsukishima needed to admit something out loud that he had honestly only just found out for himself.

“It’s not that, it’s-...” But Yamaguchi had slightly shifted as he spoke and suddenly the freckled boy’s knee was grazing the rock hard shaft in his pants. Tsukishima froze, as did Yamaguchi and they made eye contact with each other in unison for a moment before Yamaguchi glanced back down at where his knee connected with the blond’s crotch.

“It… turns you on?” he asked, hesitantly.

Tsukishima scrunched his nose, still not wanting to fully admit it, but he had no other choice. “Yes.”

Yamaguchi only smiled. “Well that’s good then! Isn’t it? You need to be more honest with me if you’re gonna get more out of this.” he said encouragingly and the irony made Tsukishima want to curl up into a hole in the ground.

Tsukishima sighed. “You’re right.”

Yamaguchi smiled against Tsukishima’s fingers. “I saw this in one of those pieces of fanart…” he admitted.

“How much of that stuff have you looked at already?” Tsukishima teased.

“I’m… not going to tell you.”

“Fine… but uh…” Tsukishima figured he’d try for that bit of honesty Yamaguchi wanted. He had been relatively quiet the whole night, after all. “This…” he continued, gesturing to his hand “...feels like it’s basically connected to _this_ …” he explained, lightly pressing his erection against Yamaguchi’s leg to make his point. He looked back at Yamaguchi to see if he understood and he watched the boy’s face go from confusion to epiphany to embarrassment all in a matter of seconds. He felt Yamaguchi’s grip tighten on his hand.

“So, that means that when I suck your fingers it feels like I’m sucking…”

“Yes.”

“And that’s why you’re…”

“ _Yes._ ”

“Well do you want me to actually-”

“ _Yamaguchi, one step at a time!_ ” he snapped, though it came out as more of an aggressive whisper.

“R-right! Sorry, Tsukki! I don’t know what I was thinking!” Yamaguchi exclaimed alarmingly as he hid behind Tsukishima’s hand. Tsukishima stretched out his finger and poked at Yamaguchi’s bottom lip.

“You can keep doing this though…” he said, running his finger slowly along the softness, drawing Yamaguchi back to the matter at hand, hypnotized by Tsukishima’s finger teasing at his lips. Yamaguchi kissed at the tips again, and they got right back at it, always so quick to return to their own little world, though it was like that in many facets of their lives together, not just here.

Tsukishima could actually feel a small moan wanting to escape in his throat as Yamaguchi kept running his lips back and forth, giving the blond’s fingers all the attention in the world. Tsukishima decided to run his own experiment by gently meeting the boy’s mouth halfway, and caressing the tongue back with the curl of his fingers, slowly feeling out the heat of Yamaguchi’s mouth. Yamaguchi looped his tongue around the index in a certain way that finally coaxed a groan out of the blond, mixed in with a twitch on Tsukishima’s hips that left him bucking against Yamaguchi’s thigh.

“Tsukki-...” Yamaguchi gasped lightly.

“Mm, sorry…” Tsukishima apologized as he tried to compose himself not to let his whole body shiver at trying to hold back.

“You’re really hard though…” Yamaguchi said, almost sounding worried.

“I can’t help that. This feels really good.”

He couldn’t hold back his honesty.

Yamaguchi’s lids fell in that half-lidded way, letting Tsukishima know that he was intent on something, though he wasn’t sure what.

“You like getting your fingers sucked, Tsukki?” he asked, dragging his lips around them again.

“Mm… apparently.”

Yamaguchi continued, this time combining it with a brush of the leg, experimentally running his knee back and forth over Tsukishima’s little problem. Tsukishima groaned again.

“Yamaguchi, don’t-”

Yamaguchi took the fingers out of his mouth only long enough to say - “I don’t mind if you come, Tsukki.” voice veering dangerously deep again. Tsukishima’s breath hitched at the sound, his hips bucking forward against his will. He reached out for Yamaguchi’s waist with his free hand, pulling them closer and realizing in the shift that Yamaguchi was pretty hard himself. The freckled boy gasped quickly at being found out.

“What about you?” Tsukishima asked, his question almost daring.

Yamaguchi moaned softly. “I-I… didn’t think that far ahead.” he stammered out.

“You can come too, you know.” he continued, moving his hips forward to meet Yamaguchi’s, pressing together full on this time.

“Ah-... Ts-Tsukki. We can’t do that… not y-...”

But Tsukishima tried dragging his hips along Yamaguchi’s. “Why not? You were okay with just me? Why not you too?”

“Haa…” Yamaguchi breathed, seeming overwhelmed at the sudden closeness, a barrier they had yet to cross and were getting dangerously close to. Yamaguchi forgot about Tsukishima’s hand entirely. “I-I’m worried…” he sputtered, and the word was enough to get Tsukishima to stop what he was doing, only to quickly find out that Yamaguchi’s worry was completely silly. “...about what my face will look like, when I- ah!”

Tsukishima pushed himself firmly against Yamaguchi and held his position, tightening his grip on the boy’s hips in the process. “ _That’s_ your hangup?” Tsukishima asked, his mouth twitching into a smirk even though he was trying his best to take Yamaguchi’s worry seriously.

“Y-yeah…” Yamaguchi said shyly.

“I won’t look if you don’t want me to.” he said forthright, even through the hoarseness that scratched his throat.

Tsukishima could feel Yamaguchi trembling slightly under his grip, though all the tremors seemed to be focused at his hips. The blond could barely take the pressure anymore and began meeting Yamaguchi’s movements with his own, picking up a rhythm of hot friction that just naturally continued between the two without any other words.

Yamaguchi reached his hands over to grip at Tsukishima’s shoulders, sinking in his fingers to brace himself through each breath, his voice gaining volume as his inhibitions seemed to fly away into the muggy air of the room. Tsukishima moved his hand around the small of Yamaguchi’s back and snaked the other underneath him so that he could hold him as close as he could. He felt Yamaguchi carelessly wrap a leg around him while hiding his face away in the crook of the blond’s neck. Tsukishima didn’t mind, not when it meant that this was happening, this closeness, this heat and his mind was buzzing because he just couldn’t believe that he and Yamaguchi were doing this, their desperate grind continuing until it was Yamaguchi who caved first with a sharp gasp muffled by Tsukishima’s shirt.

It only took a few more thrusts for Tsukishima to give in too, the hot substance filling his underwear as he grunted out his wave of pleasure.

For a while, the only thing they could do was try to catch their breath, their grips loosening but limbs not wanting to go anywhere. _So, that happened…_ was all Tsukishima could manage to think, but then he quickly started to worry about Yamaguchi’s reaction to this completely unplanned experiment.

His breathing finally steadying, Tsukishima braced himself to speak first.

“How… was that?” he asked lamely.

Yamaguchi didn’t say anything, merely continued to hide where his face rested now against Tsukishima’s chest. Tsukishima was going to speak up again but was distracted by what was Yamaguchi curling up into him, his arms wrapping fully around the blond’s back and pulling him in for a hug.

“I’m… so sleepy…” Yamaguchi muttered from down below.

Tsukishima snorted. He tried to pull back a bit, wanting to look down to see Yamaguchi’s face. The freckled boy shyly looked up and he certainly did look sleepy.

“Is that all?”

Yamaguchi smiled lazily. “That felt _amazing_ , Tsukki.” he admitted, voice warm and honest. He sighed and leaned his head back against Tsukishima’s chest, clearly in a daze. “I didn’t know it got that intense when you’re doing it with someone else.” he added, still sounding winded, but very satisfied.

Tsukishima couldn’t help holding Yamaguchi a bit tighter against him at the words, like he was trying to protect him from the world while he passed through such a vulnerable state.

“Yeah, it was good.” was all Tsukishima managed to say, so many other words flowing through his mind that it was tough to filter even that much out.

Yamaguchi sighed again, but it turned into a bit of breathy laughter as he pulled away from Tsukishima and stretched all his limbs out on his side of the bed. “Ahhh, ha ha! I’m glad you didn’t see my face. I probably looked crazy!” he chuckled.

Tsukishima propped his head up on his hand and merely watched Yamaguchi roll about in bliss. “I’m sure you looked fine.”

Yamaguchi giggled at that, looking over at Tsukishima with such a thankful look on his face. Tsukishima wasn’t quite sure how to respond to such a look so he stayed quiet, but Yamaguchi truly looked gorgeous in his afterglow and the blond had to bite down on the word before it slipped out.

“Mmm…” Yamaguchi hummed, delighted. “Oh. You brought a change of clothes, right Tsukki?”

Right, they were both a mess, weren’t they?

“Yeah. Guess we should clean up.”

“Yeah…” Yamaguchi trailed off as he got up on his feet. “Hey, did you want to _actually watch_ more of the show? I’m kind of spent.”

“Sure.”

“Awesome!” and with that, Yamaguchi went off to the bathroom to clean up and change, not taking too long and it was Tsukishima’s turn soon after that.

Once Tsukishima was done cleaning himself up in the bathroom, he had to just take a moment to chill before heading back to Yamaguchi’s room. So many images and sounds flashing and echoing through his mind of what he just got to experience. He wondered if he had lost the chance to tell Yamaguchi the truth again. If he just went back in there and came clean, what would the outcome be?

He shook his head, shaking that idea far away with it. No, he’d just continue to read the situation until he felt absolutely right about it. He refused to think too hard about it on a night that felt so comfortable and easy, and as he walked back into the room, seeing Yamaguchi stretched out on his bed clad in pyjamas with his laptop sitting on his belly, Tsukishima could just feel the ease pulling him in, the warmth of the afterglow and a happy Yamaguchi holding him close and grounding him to the moment. He plopped himself next to Yamaguchi and watched the screen where he clicked through DVD menus.

“Do you think Kyou and Tama make out after hours?” Yamaguchi asked lazily.

Tsukishima didn’t bat an eye at the question. “Obviously they do.”

Yamaguchi snorted, finally finding the episode they had left off on.

“I do want to try and finish this before the fall, by the way.” he said, placing the laptop on the nightstand, pushing the forgotten snacks aside with it.

“Why?” Tsukishima asked, stretching his arms up over his head and yawning.

“Because the last season starts in the fall. I want to watch it as it airs.”

“Right.”

Yamaguchi hit play and the awful opening theme song began.

“Jeeze, when are they going to change that damn song?” Tsukishima grunted, rolling over to look at the screen anyway, looking at it over Yamaguchi’s head.

“In another six episodes?”

“Ugh, skip it or kill me.”

Yamaguchi chuckled and moved forward in the video, hitting the recap portion of the episode.

Tsukishima kept watching the screen, happy to not be thinking about too much of anything at that point, it was late and the show was pretty mindless so he was relaxed, almost to the point where he barely noticed when Yamaguchi pushed back into him. The freckled boy reached back for Tsukishima’s hand and brought it around so that it could rest on Yamaguchi’s belly.

“What are you doing…?” Tsukishima asked, his shoulders feeling tense suddenly. Yamaguchi rested back, looking far from tense.

“Cuddling was on my list too.” he said, looking up to flash Tsukishima a grin, one that made Tsukishima’s breath hitch.

 _It… wouldn’t be weird to kiss him, would it?_ he thought as he looked down at Yamaguchi. He was right there, backed snugly up against him, warm and still very sleepy looking, and the blond felt his face twitch forward without thinking. He noticed Yamaguchi’s eyes go a little wide at his movement, but the boy quickly glanced at Tsukishima’s lips and nudged forward in turn. They met in the middle, lips catching together in a soft and lazy kiss.

It felt different than their kisses from before, somehow more intimate than clashing their tongues together. Tsukishima couldn’t really understand why he felt that way, it probably had something to do with the way that sleepy smile settled on Yamaguchi’s lips when he pulled away from the kiss, or how he found Tsukishima’s hand and held it in his own, this time only just because he wanted to hold it.

It was on the tip of Tsukishima’s tongue through the whole episode they watched, and even through the next one…

_...Yamaguchi, I really like you…_

...but it was merely a thought falling away as quickly as they both fell asleep...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a secret to share - This whole fic started because I really wanted to write about that finger thing. I am incapable of just writing pwp, SO, here we are, almost 20 000 words later 8'D
> 
> I'm fairly pleased with how this is going though and am happy it ended up being like this ^^. ALSO, I mapped out the rest of the story today, so yay for plans! :D
> 
> And thanks again so much for all the lovely feedback you guys ;n; I honestly can't thank you guys enough, so I'll only keep saying thank you! *u* <3


	5. Chapter 5

The days of summer rolled on, only getting hotter as time slipped by, humidity rising under the bright sun, though the days weren’t half as hot as the nights seemed to be. Tsukishima could tell that Yamaguchi was starting to become less nervous around him, about the things they did behind their locked bedroom doors, as quietly as they could late at night. It became part of their routine as easy as anything else, and their experiments started getting less chatty and more about getting each other off like they had the first time.

It was ridiculously hot under Tsukishima’s bed sheets, sticky even as their clothes clung to their bodies as much as they clung to each other, hips grinding together in a frenzy for what was actually the second time that night.

“Nng… Tsukki…” Yamaguchi moaned into Tsukishima’s ear, quickly sucking at the lobe like he had learned how to do all too well.

Tsukishima couldn’t believe how quickly Yamaguchi had taken to calling out his nickname like that, and wondered if maybe he should tell him to stop, but it really never sounded better coming out of Yamaguchi’s lips, drenched in his deepest voice. Tsukishima groaned at the sound, knowing full well that he was incapable of telling Yamaguchi to _ever_ stop doing that.

Yamaguchi had gotten completely taken by the feeling of coming together with another person, and he had explained that to Tsukishima the moment he woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed the morning after their first impromptu experiment.

_‘I just had no idea, Tsukki! Can we try it again?’_ was his enthusiastic request, all wonder without the slightest bit of sensuality behind it. Tsukishima had still been half asleep through the bombardment so his only answer was a tired nod of the head. Little did he know what he was actually giving consent to…

...But he knew now, on the third night of Yamaguchi tapping him on the shoulder at around midnight when everyone else was asleep. He’d lay a simple kiss on Tsukishima’s neck, and that let the blond know that it was time to get back to that routine of theirs. That weird, _weird_ routine…

The heat between them was almost unbearable at that point, and Tsukishima could swear that there was a pool of condensation on his neck from Yamaguchi breathing so hard against it. The boy was almost at his limit, Tsukishima was starting to be able to read that. The way Yamaguchi began trembling, hands fumbling and clinging desperately to the blond’s back, pace picking up at a clumsy speed - all these were tell tale signs that Tsukishima had picked up on, and they were all things that in turn pushed him to his limit, coming in his underwear again with a muffled groan. Yamaguchi wasn’t too far off after that.

Tsukishima threw the blankets off and they both rolled onto their backs, side by side and panting. He wiped the sweat off of his face and puffed out a deep breath.

“It’s hot…” he complained.

“Makes it even more intense though, doesn’t it?” Yamaguchi said breathlessly, overjoyed in his afterglow like he always was.

“You’re figuring out all kinds of things, aren’t you?” Tsukishima teased. Yamaguchi only gave an airy laugh.

“Yeah well, that’s what this is all about.” he sing-songed, stretching out all his limbs at once.

“Right.”

Tsukishima could feel his lips pull upwards into a smirk. Yamaguchi seemed like he was having a blast and it was pretty infectious. Though, as the high began to wear off, Tsukishima could feel the stickiness in his clothes begin to cool and get uncomfortable. He sighed.

“My mom’s going to wonder about the sudden increase of underwear in the wash…” he said, lazily getting up and awkwardly scooting over to his dresser.

Yamaguchi scratched his face bashfully with a finger. “I’m sure she’ll just think since it’s summer time, you’re sweating a lot?” he grabbed at an excuse.

“Oh, yeah. _That’s_ a great reason.” Tsukishima shot back sarcastically, finally fishing a clean pair of underwear out for himself. “Be right back…”

They did their bathroom rotation once again, and were soon nestled in their respective beds, Yamaguchi’s being the futon on the floor. They hadn’t discussed the cuddling that had happened that night, nor the strange, almost boyfriend-like kiss they had shared during. Yamaguchi hadn’t initiated it again either. Tsukishima thought it was either because it was only something Yamaguchi wanted to cross off his list _or_ it was because their parents had been around every night since then and he didn’t want to get caught. The blond was secretly hoping for the latter, but he didn’t want to admit that to himself, so he just kept going with the flow, following Yamaguchi’s lead.

“‘Night, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said hoarsely as he laid back on his bed.

“Goodnight, Tsukki.” he heard Yamaguchi say sleepily through a yawn.

And that’s just how it was, not another word, no more discussion, just peace and comfortable sleep in each other’s presence…

 

+++

 

It was definitely the hottest day of the summer, Tsukishima was convinced, wiping his face with the neck of his t-shirt and blinking the sweat from his eyes as he laid back on Yamaguchi’s bed waiting for the boy to get back with something cold to drink. He suddenly felt a mysterious frigid ring rest on his forehead and looked up to see that it was Yamaguchi touching a glass of iced tea onto him.

“Better?” Yamaguchi asked sweetly.

“Just pour it on my face.” Tsukishima deadpanned, his face scrunching up into a scowl.

“You’re really that warm?” Yamaguchi sounded concerned. Tsukishima reached up to grab the glass from him and sat up.

“Yes, this is torture. Don’t tell me you think this weather is acceptable.” he complained, knocking back nearly the entire glass of tea in one swig.

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes up to look at the ceiling, an impish smile on his face. “Mmm, I don’t know. It has its benefits.” he mumbled vaguely. Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, completely missing what kind of benefits this heat could possibly have. He watched as Yamaguchi fumbled around in his closet for something, until he finally turned around with a small electric fan in his hand.

“You mean you had that the whole time? I’m hurt, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said flatly.

“I just remembered I had it!” Yamaguchi laughed as he plugged it in and flicked it on, sending a comforting whir through the room. Tsukishima finally looked relieved.

“Thank God…” he sighed, leaning back against the wall as he let the blowing air cool his face. He started feeling like himself again and sipped back the last of his tea, setting the cup covered in condensation over by the fan, noticing something as he did so. “Hey, where’s your computer? I thought we were watching more of that show.” he asked, suddenly realizing that Yamaguchi had fallen pretty quiet. He was still standing too, blankly staring at the floor.

“Huh? Oh yeah, we were but uh… my parents decided to go out for the night again…” he said, a shy smile coming over him.

“So… a different marathon then. This code is confusing.” Tsukishima sighed again and laid back on the bed, ready to get to what had become the usual. Though it didn’t make his heart pound any less hard whenever he felt that familiar dip on the mattress, signaling Yamaguchi’s arrival. The freckled boy sat on the edge of the bed at first, leaning over to place a gentle kiss on Tsukishima’s lips, pecking them open as he so smoothly lowered himself and hoisted his leg over the blond so that he was positively pinned under Yamaguchi’s weight.

_Well._ This was new…

Tsukishima must have been wearing a strange face when Yamaguchi pulled away from the kiss, because the boy looked concerned.

“Is this position okay, Tsukki?” he asked while running his fingers softly through Tsukishima’s hair.

Of course it was okay, but it was overwhelming because suddenly Tsukishima had far more Yamaguchi to himself than he could manage, both hands free to roam wherever they wanted. He ran his hands over Yamaguchi’s lower back, firmly pushing in his fingers to press the boy close to him. Yamaguchi bit his lower lip at the feeling of Tsukishima’s hands massaging him through his shirt, a soft moan catching in his throat, and Tsukishima gave him a smirk.

“Does that let you know?” he spoke against Yamaguchi’s lips.

Yamaguchi didn’t answer, only pounced on Tsukishima’s mouth in a fierce kiss as his hips bucked down. Tsukishima quickly found out how much more control Yamaguchi had over this situation than _he_ had, sure he could reach wherever he wanted, but Yamaguchi definitely controlled the brunt of the thrusts and Tsukishima was practically being ridden at that point, as much as he could be through clothes at least.

The tiny whirring fan was doing nothing to quell the heat. Between the weather and the waves of warmth between them, Tsukishima felt like he was being swallowed by an inferno, and the huffs of his breath were half from arousal, half from trying to let the fire escape his lungs.

“Mm…” Yamaguchi moaned softly, busy kissing Tsukishima’s neck at that point. “...are you still warm, Tsukki?”

“Yeah.” Tsukishima responded quickly through a sharp puff of breath.

The blond didn’t think twice about Yamaguchi’s silence to his answer, merely played it off as just an absent question during the heat of the moment, but he quickly found that it did have a point when he felt a set of shy fingers ghost at the base of his t-shirt and slowly slip inside, nudging the garment up an inch or two.

Yamaguchi pulled back, and Tsukishima was so distracted by how flush the boy’s face was that he almost didn’t hear what he said.

“You should take this off then, silly.” he said, fingers still curling around the hem. It was less sexy and more of a friendly suggestion so that Tsukishima would be more comfortable, and added together with the abuse from the unbearable heat, the blond just agreed without even really thinking, only realizing that this was a line they hadn’t crossed yet when his shirt hit the floor.

_Where was the line, anyway?_ Tsukishima found himself thinking. He knew he had asked already but Yamaguchi had only given vague answers. He wondered if the line was just going to keep getting pushed until it got too dangerous…

...And with the way Yamaguchi was looking down at his shirtless torso, Tsukishima could feel that prodding danger straight in his chest.

“What…?” he asked, his breath still labored from before.

Tsukishima noticed Yamaguchi’s breath get heavier as his felt the boy’s eyes roam all over the newly exposed skin.

“You-...” he started, but then stopped, deciding to bite at his lower lip instead. “Mm, no. I only get one, I need to save it.”

Tsukishima swallowed as if he were the one holding back the compliment. His breathing picked up on Yamaguchi’s rhythm, getting completely taken away by that heated gaze of his. Tsukishima’s hands twitched where they still lay on Yamaguchi’s hips and he quickly found himself fingering the base of his shirt. Yamaguchi’s breath hitched in turn.

“Sh-should I…?” Yamaguchi asked, the implication being far more suggestive this time around, especially with the way his voice trembled as he spoke.

“You’re warm too, aren’t you?”

“Very…”

Tsukishima pulled up on the shirt just a bit more, allowing himself to peek at the extra skin that was exposed. He felt brief anticipation jump through his chest that was briskly chased by desire once Yamaguchi lifted his shirt over his head and dropped it to wherever Tsukishima’s was. It was then Yamaguchi’s turn to feel shy because Tsukishima’s gaze could have probably burned holes through the poor boy.

“Ah… what is it, Tsukki?” he asked nervously as he reached an arm over his body to cover himself a bit.

Since Tsukishima had been harboring this crush, he had made it a point to never sneak peeks at Yamaguchi in the change rooms at school, or even if he changed shirts in his room. It was always easy to just look away and forget, but with how the boy looked now, towering over him, half undressed just for _him_ , Tsukishima was certain that he’d never forget the sight. Yamaguchi’s body was still slight, that was only his natural build, but the hard work he had put in training over the last few years definitely showed in the toned lines that ghosted down his arms and stomach, guidelines for bigger muscles to come, Tsukishima was sure, but that was the furthest thing from his mind because all he could think about was tracing out each delicate crease with his tongue right then and there.

The blond knew he hadn’t said anything for a moment and that fact was making Yamaguchi shift uncomfortably where he sat atop Tsukishima’s lap. The freckled boy moved his arms up to cover himself a bit more, and _no_ , that just wouldn’t do.

Tsukishima reached up with a hand, touching the tips of his fingers over Yamaguchi’s wrist at first, but slowly adding more pressure to get those pesky hands out of the way. He guided Yamaguchi’s hands down to rest at his sides, and with that he had a clear view of all those beautiful lines, punctuated with splashes of freckles throughout. It was just so, _Yamaguchi_ , that fact alone making the body in front of him just about the most attractive in the world…

Before Yamaguchi could squirm to cover himself again, Tsukishima knew he had to say something. He had been staring for far too long. The blond shifted himself up so he could sit, keeping Yamaguchi on his lap as he did so.

“Don’t…” he finally said, pushing Yamaguchi’s arms away again. Their bodies were suddenly very close and Tsukishima had to swallow back his desire to pounce. He glanced down at the closeup, deciding to be gentle instead as he reached a hand up to Yamaguchi’s chest and traced his fingers down the center line, stopping just shy of the boy’s waist band. Yamaguchi let out a shuddering breath at the touch.

Tsukishima did it again, running the back of his hand up this time over the same line, his other hand twitching to attention and caressing Yamaguchi’s side just relishing in the feeling of touching his body. His hands found a home back on Yamaguchi’s hips, resting there as his thumbs grazed over the gently defined V that lived there.

“Mm, is this one of _your_ experiments Tsukki?” Yamaguchi practically moaned, completely caught up in the caresses and unable to comprehend why they had started in the first place.

“Yeah…” Tsukishima answered, voice barely there for he knew if he spoke any louder, all of his secrets would show through.

Yamaguchi lifted his hands to brush over Tsukishima’s shoulders, trailing his fingers down the blond’s front much like he had done to him. Tsukishima wondered if Yamaguchi had caught wind of his thundering heartbeat…

It didn’t matter in the end, because they both shared a breath of anticipation, fingers hovering over hot, sensitive skin, the prospect of this whole new playground before them, and as always, Yamaguchi was the first to really say anything, tracing his index finger in a circle centered atop Tsukishima’s chest.

“Guess we haven’t exactly done anything below the neck yet, huh?” he said, eyes glued to where his finger was busy.

“Our hips beg to differ.”

Yamaguchi chuckled softly at that, though a heavy silence befell them once he was done.

“Hey Tsukki, do you mind if I…” He trailed off, words probably escaping to where his finger was headed to, shyly tracing a circle around Tsukishima’s fair pectoral muscle.

“Whatever you want.” Tsukishima replied, mouth gone absolutely dry.

Yamaguchi’s gentle circles were closing in around the supple target, until he finally dragged his finger over Tsukishima’s nipple. The blond breathed in deeply at the feeling, deciding to watch Yamaguchi’s face as the boy concentrated on what he was doing with the pink bud now softly pinched between his fingers. Yamaguchi glanced up tentatively to gauge Tsukishima’s reaction.

“Um… is this too weird?” he asked, self-consciousness sinking in by the sound of it.

“No… feels fine to me.”

“Oh, phew…” Yamaguchi sighed, relieved and smiling. Always so quick to panic and yet so quick to recover. It was endearing in its own way. Tsukishima lifted his hand to cup the back of Yamaguchi’s head, coaxing their eyes to meet.

“Try using your tongue on it.” he suggested. Yamaguchi smirked, that determination washing back over his face. It always seemed to light up when Tsukishima made a suggestion, probably because it let him know that this whole arrangement was still okay. He gave a slight nod and then lowered his head to Tsukishima’s chest, arms falling to embrace the blond’s lower back. He placed a kiss in the center of his chest first, slowly trailing over to the nipple, vaguely guided by Tsukishima’s hand, where he darted his tongue out in an experimental flick. He did it once more, the drag getting slower on the third attempt until he puckered his lips around it, softly sucking and pulling at it, topping the whole action off with a slight nibble between his teeth.

“Ah…” Tsukishima allowed his hot breath to escape, fingers clenching in Yamaguchi’s hair. He wasn’t sure if it was because it was Yamaguchi doing this to him, or if his nipples were actually that sensitive after all, but he knew it felt good. “Fuck…” he couldn’t help but curse under his breath.

The slight sound caught Yamaguchi’s attention and he popped his head up to look at Tsukishima. “What was that?” he asked as if he had honestly missed something important.

Tsukishima was kind of glad that Yamaguchi didn’t really hear his moment of weakness.

“I honestly don’t think you need to practice with your tongue anymore.” Tsukishima admitted “You’re actually getting really good with it.”

Yamaguchi beamed at the praise at first, though he slipped into a mischievous smile all too quickly.

“That might be true…” he started, lowering his head to playfully tug at Tsukishima’s nipple again. Tsukishima gasped lightly at the shock. “...Or you might just have sensitive nipples.” he teased, straightening back up to give Tsukishima a grin. The blond scowled, because it was probably true even though he didn’t want to admit it out loud.

“Well, what about you then?” he challenged, scooping up Yamaguchi’s torso into his arms so that the boy would arch back and lunging his face forward to capture one of Yamaguchi’s nipples between his teeth.

“Ah!” he yelped “Tsukki! This isn’t about me!” he whined, giggling as he squirmed in Tsukishima’s grip, but the blond was adamant about his motions, mercilessly attacking Yamaguchi’s nipple with the pull of his lips. Yamaguchi’s giggle morphed into a whimper and then smoothly into a moan when Tsukishima wouldn’t let up. He could feel Yamaguchi’s hand behind his head, and the way the freckled boy laced his fingers through his hair let Tsukishima know that he didn’t want him to go anywhere.

Not that Tsukishima had any plans on moving away, not with the delicious treat he was lapping up.

“Mm… Okay, I get it. It _is_ good.” Yamaguchi finally admitted, allowing Tsukishima’s head to rise, the blond’s expression a victorious one. Yamaguchi smiled in defeat, though his fingers were quickly busy prodding at something else. Tsukishima felt that jolt race through his chest again when he noticed that Yamaguchi was brushing just at the edge of his waistband. There was that heavy silence again, only broken by slow, heavy breaths mingling.

Tsukishima stole a glance at Yamaguchi. The boy’s eyes were downcast, looking completely lost in thought. “Hey, Tsukki?” he finally asked, breaking the silence.

“What?”

“What do you think it would feel like to… you know…” he spoke shyly, though his fingers still grazed just inside of Tsukishima’s waistband.

Tsukishima mimicked the action on Yamaguchi, hands veering lower on his hips, the shorts the boy wore dragging lower slightly through the motion. “Take the rest off…?” Tsukishima guessed.

Yamaguchi swallowed before giving a slight nod. “Would that be-...”

“It’s worth trying.” Tsukishima said, cutting the boy off before he could ask if it would be weird. The blond knew by now that, that was Yamaguchi’s prime concern through most of this. Tsukishima was certain that Yamaguchi didn’t want to push too much or go too far into a place where he thought Tsukishima would probably judge him and make fun of him. He couldn’t exactly tell Yamaguchi that he’d never do that, not when it came to this, because Tsukishima wanted this desperately, far more than he knew Yamaguchi could understand given the circumstances. The only thing Tsukishima could do was to keep going and just show that he was into this by saying yes and reciprocating, teetering on that balance between an experiment between friends or an act between lovers.

Tsukishima was positive he had probably blurred that line already, but he also knew that Yamaguchi hadn’t noticed. At least he thought he knew. If Yamaguchi did know then he hadn’t said anything and that alone was more than Tsukishima needed to know about the boy’s feelings about him…

...But he wasn’t about to work his mind into a frenzy over all that again, because Yamaguchi’s hands were heading to Tsukishima’s front and gripping at where his button was still fastened.

“Can I...?” Yamaguchi asked, and Tsukishima had to hold back blurting out _‘my God, please’_ because his erection was already forcefully pushing against his buttoned shorts.

“Only if you let me…” Tsukishima practically whispered, hands already tugging on Yamaguchi’s loose fitting gym shorts.

“Y-yeah.” Yamaguchi agreed, lifting himself up on his knees to give Tsukishima better access. His hands never left the fastened button though, and soon it wasn’t fastened anymore, popping open with the twitch of trembling fingers. Quickly seeing the limitations of their position, Yamaguchi shifted to the side for a second to kick off his shorts as Tsukishima concentrated on doing the same for his own, and all too soon, that last barrier had fallen and they were both just kind of sitting naked in front of each other without knowing what to do next.

Yamaguchi was shyly looking off to the side with his arms resting between his legs to cover himself again. Tsukishima’s legs were positioned rather modestly too, despite the urge he had to pounce when they were shedding their shorts. Tsukishima glanced over at Yamaguchi, who’s face had gotten really red somewhere between pants and no pants.

“Hey…” Tsukishima started this time, knowing full well of that push Yamaguchi needed. Yamaguchi glanced over, but his eyes quickly shifted back before he looked too much. Tsukishima took a deep breath and put a smirk on his face, taking the initiative and lowering his leg, making his whole body completely visible to Yamaguchi who still didn’t seem like he wanted to look directly at him. “...It’s alright you know. We’re both like this anyway.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes darted back, lingering just a bit longer this time and even daring to glance down at the stiffness between Tsukishima’s legs before looking away. Tsukishima didn’t take his eyes off Yamaguchi’s face, taking note of the shaky breaths escaping his lips and wondering just what the boy was thinking.

“E-even if…” Yamaguchi stammered out hesitantly. Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, his gaze dropping when he noticed that he was moving his arms out of the way. “...I’m already like this?” he asked, finally revealing the several drips that had already started leaking at the tip of his length.

Tsukishima could feel something in his mind just _snap_ , that last bit of self-control just barely hanging on by a thread because the image in front of him was even more attractive than he could have ever imagined. The only thing that was keeping him grounded was the fact that Yamaguchi wasn’t trying to be sexy or anything, he was actually just nervous about the state he was in. Tsukishima shook his head and made the bold move of reaching for himself to pull back enough on his foreskin to show Yamaguchi that he was wet too.

“I told you, we’re both like this.”

Yamaguchi looked absolutely relieved. “Oh, thank God… I thought I was the only one who… um…” he trailed off, swallowing back on his words when he noticed that Tsukishima was still gripping at himself. The blond froze under Yamaguchi’s gaze, the moment suspended in time before he saw Yamaguchi sigh into a smile. “Okay, Tsukki. Do you mind if I use that compliment? I can’t just… you’re… I mean objectively speaking...”

“What is it?” he asked bluntly, the feeling of his heart jumping into his throat probably pushing out the question more aggressively than it needed to be.

Yamaguchi’s shoulders jumped a bit at the sound before relaxing and preparing himself to say the words. He shifted himself over to Tsukishima to get close again, fingers reaching out to trace a line down the center of the blond’s torso, the muscles in his stomach twitching under the touch. Yamaguchi rested his hand just above where Tsukishima had let his cock lay at attention against his stomach. Tsukishima closed his eyes when he felt Yamaguchi’s lips kiss at his jaw, licking a line down to the curve of his neck and nibbling just a bit before pulling back to speak again.

“You’re really sexy…” he whispered against his skin, not daring to look Tsukishima in the eye while he said it, and it was probably for the best because Tsukishima’s eyes went wide at the declaration. _Shit, that wasn’t fair…_ especially the way his breath hitched when Yamaguchi said it. He could feel his cheeks getting hot, the steam trailing all the way to the tips of his ears. _Damn it_ , this was exactly why he had barred all compliments, he knew he wouldn’t be able to take it if Yamaguchi had even the slightest inkling to say something like that, but he finally had and it sent a whole new crowd of thoughts into his mind, ones that he didn’t have time at all to think about because Yamaguchi was on his neck again, possibly spurred on by the sound Tsukishima had made and in the heat of the moment, their erections bumped together causing Yamaguchi to stop everything he was doing and chance a glance at Tsukishima’s face.

“A-ah… sorry…” he said.

Tsukishima didn’t miss a beat, he wasn’t about to let Yamaguchi get nervous about this anymore. “You said you wanted to know what it felt like without clothes on… well, this is it.” he said bluntly, softly moving his hips so that they brushed together again. Yamaguchi let out a small whimper at the sensation.

“Yeah, guess you’re right.” he said breathlessly, looking down at where they were touching together. “Sticky…” he said absently as he observed. Tsukishima smirked.

“More or less.”

Yamaguchi tilted his head to see the view at a different angle. Tsukishima eyed him curiously through his silence, wondering if Yamaguchi liked this at all or if the direct contact was enough to make him second guess being with a guy. Of course like most times this happened, Yamaguchi simply surprised him with a reaction that was so out of left field Tsukishima was left snorting back a laugh so hard he nearly choked.

“Hey, we could probably sword fight like this, Tsukki.”

“Damn it, Yamaguchi!” he exclaimed, giving the freckled boy a gentle slap to the back of his head. Yamaguchi laughed and Tsukishima _tried_ not to laugh as hard as he wanted to but they were both kind of shaking against each other for a while before Yamaguchi had to wipe away his tears and compose himself.

“Okay, I’m actually sorry about that one.” he said, still grinning.

“You better be.” Tsukishima threatened, but there wasn’t an ounce of ferocity behind it. “That was awful.”

But a good laugh always seemed to put Yamaguchi at ease, and by extension, lightened any reservation either may have had about what they were doing. Yamaguchi leaned in and rested his head against Tsukishima’s shoulder.

“So, Tsukki…” he started, hand hovering just above Tsukishima’s length that had gone just slightly soft during their laughing fit. “...what should we do?”

Tsukishima brought his hand over to run down Yamaguchi’s side and over his hip, palm stopping just before touching the base of the boy’s stiffness.

“I think we already know.” Tsukishima stated, the position of their hands too obvious to discuss, though he knew Yamaguchi still needed to hear it. “Touch me…”

Yamaguchi let out a puff of breath at the request, hand twitching forward to do exactly that, but he hesitated before making contact. “I-I’ve never… I mean, should I just…”

“Do whatever you do for yourself… I guess.” Tsukishima suggested, but Yamaguchi still looked kind of stumped on how to proceed.

“Ah… hmm…” he pondered, hand shifting around in the air as it hovered around Tsukishima’s shaft, much to the boy’s frustration.

“It’s not rocket science, Yamaguchi.” he snapped in an aggressive whisper. Yamaguchi jumped slightly at the attack, but Tsukishima sighed, knowing that he had to get his patience back because this wasn’t going to help anybody. “Do you want me to try first instead?”

Yamaguchi looked up to make eye contact with Tsukishima, his eyes practically like a puppy’s he seemed so lost. He nodded weakly.

“Alright.” Tsukishima agreed, a brief moment of his own hesitation surging through his mind when he realized this was going to be the first time he’d touch Yamaguchi. He was a bit disappointed he didn’t have a compliment to spare, he would have loved to see Yamaguchi’s reaction had he said something about liking the way it curved or how it good it looked still leaking like that… but those were all things he had to push far down his throat. He just had to get through this and show Yamaguchi how easy this was. “Look, just do what you do for yourself…” he repeated, hand finally finding it’s way and wrapping around Yamaguchi’s length. The contact alone made Yamaguchi’s breath hitch and Tsukishima couldn’t hold back the smirk, because this was going to be amazing. He got his grip, and like he always did, gave a firm tug up and then down and-

“Ahh! Tsukki, _no_!” Yamaguchi yelped, hissing in what Tsukishima could only read as pain. He let go immediately and put his hands up defensively, actual worry washing over his face.

“Yamaguchi, what did I do?”

“Aha, ow…” Yamaguchi whined, a small laugh leaking out behind the pain. “Tsukki, is that what you do to _yourself_!? How do you still have a penis!?” he blurted, his hands reaching down to cup himself comfortingly.

Tsukishima could feel his face heat up in embarrassment, and really, he had never been so embarrassed in his life.

“I’m really sorry, Yamaguchi.” he said, voice as earnest and face more honest than he had probably been since he was a kid.

“No, it’s okay, it’s just-...” Yamaguchi stopped dead in his speech when he saw Tsukishima’s face. The blond watched the boy blink a few times, soon eyeing him with an expression he couldn’t really read. Tsukishima wanted to ask again if he was okay, but he didn’t get a chance because Yamaguchi quickly reached out to cup his face and pull him in for a kiss, a slow and innocent one before pulling back and smiling. “It’s _okay_.” he said warmly. _Definitively_.

Tsukishima didn’t know what it was about the tone in Yamaguchi’s voice, but he felt like there was something layered underneath. It was _okay_ that he accidentally pulled too hard. It was _okay_ to lean back in for a gentle kiss. It was _okay_ to lay down together and try again, less talking and more feeling…

...And it felt warm, almost as if he had actually won Yamaguchi’s heart as they shared their heat. Touching each other and tasting each other more tenderly than they had any right to.

“Mm… just a bit more, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi moaned. Tsukishima grunted out his agreement, and he stroked Yamaguchi faster, prompting the boy to pick the pace up on him as well, pumping away at each other until they just couldn’t handle it anymore, coming one after the other in two blinding bursts.

“Haa…” Tsukishima breathed, twitching a bit in Yamaguchi’s grip as a few more drips leaked out.

Yamaguchi was absolutely winded and blinking hard like he was trying to get stars out of his eyes. “Tsukki…” he said, trying to catch his breath before attempting to speak more. “That… was a great idea.”

“The no clothes thing? Yeah, I agree…” Tsukishima said, trying his best not to smile when it made Yamaguchi laugh. The blond lifted his clean hand to his face to wipe off the sweat from his forehead when he realized that sweat wasn’t the only liquid there. “Jeeze, Yamaguchi. How have you not blasted a hole through your underwear already, you got me in the face.” he teased.

Yamaguchi scoffed, jokingly offended. “How do you know that wasn’t you? You blasted everywhere else.” he shot back, pointing at the mess on his chest.

Tsukishima was about to say something back, but Yamaguchi was right. He had no idea whose fluid was whose, and just the idea of the mess they were in made Tsukishima scoff out a laugh. “Well, the underwear got off free this time, but I can’t say the same for your bed sheets.”

Yamaguchi’s brows arched anxiously as he sat up to inspect the damage. “Oh man…” he whined.

Tsukishima reached over to the nightstand where a convenient box of tissues was, taking a few for himself and then passing Yamaguchi the box.

“I’ll help you do the laundry before your parents get back. Don’t worry about it.” he said, laying back for a second to catch the breeze from the fan he forgot was still running.

“Thanks, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said, patting a tissue over his torso. Once he was satisfied he reached to the floor to fetch their forgotten clothes, tossing Tsukishima’s over at him. The blond got up on his feet to pull it all on, already cursing the extra heat they caused in his mind. Yamaguchi began pulling off the sheets and Tsukishima lent him a hand, all simple and casual, getting back to the world where they were only friends.

As they carried the sheets to the washer, Tsukishima thought back to that moment again, when Yamaguchi said _‘it’s okay’_ with all the sweetness in the world before pulling him in and kissing him tenderly. He wondered if he had let something else show in his vulnerable expression at the time, if Yamaguchi had picked up on something else that he was saying was okay…

_...It’s okay you have feelings for me, Tsukki. I don’t mind._

Or…

_...It’s okay, I have feelings for you too…_

Just the thought was enough to make Tsukishima’s heart race dangerously, as if his heart rate hadn’t just ran a marathon all evening. He took a deep breath as he watched Yamaguchi shove the rest of the sheets into the washer, stuffing it far too full, but Tsukishima didn’t care to correct him, all he could think about was coming clean right then and there in the laundry room. They had already done so much together, how hard would it be to just take that next step, just to-

“Hey, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked once he started the machine.

Tsukishima nearly jumped he was so startled from being broken out of his deep thoughts.

“What?” asked the blond, happy his voice didn’t crack when he spoke.

“I uh… was wondering about something…”

Tsukishima braced himself. “About?”

“About the sex thing…” he said shyly “...did you still want to try that out?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet jesus, this chapter ended up being massive ;A; I hope this one turned out okay, let me know what you think! And sorry for abrupt end, but I think it really got across the feeling of how Tsukki's heart probably stopped in that moment xD
> 
> Anyway~ Thanks for the feedback from before, you guys really are the best c': <3 I hope to post more soon! :D


	6. Chapter 6

“Excuse me?” Tsukishima replied so incredulously that he almost sounded offended. Yamaguchi put up his hands in defense, trying to deflect with a grin.

“I-I was just wondering if you still wanted to try it!” he repeated, voice tinted slightly with fear. Tsukishima sighed as he relaxed against the wall, arms folded.

“Sorry, you just caught me off guard. I thought that you didn’t want to…”

“Hm? No, well… Okay, maybe I thought it’d be going too far but then I thought about it…”

Tsukishima’s heart began to hammer hard against his chest, a breath of anticipation caught in his throat, all of his anxiousness hidden behind the mask of his flat expression as he watched Yamaguchi find the words.

“So, you know how you hear stories all the time of people just regretting the first person they did it with? Well, I was thinking that… considering everything we’ve done together already that it would be really great if my first time was with you…”

Tsukishima’s eyes couldn’t help but go a little bit wide at that declaration, his fingers tightening their grip where they rested on his arms.

“What do you mean?” he dared to ask.

Yamaguchi leaned up against the wall next to Tsukishima and outstretched his arms in front of both of them, like he was about to paint him a picture.

“Just think about it, Tsukki. Doing that for the first time with your best friend, complete trust and no regrets to look back on!” he explained brightly, turning his head to look at Tsukishima’s reaction. “Besides…” he added “...your face earlier told me everything I needed to know.”

“My face?”

“Yeah, when you uh… aha, pulled too hard for second. I haven’t seen you look so concerned and worried like… jeeze, I don’t know if I even _have_ a memory of your face like that but… it let me know that you’d take good care of me, and that feels really nice.”

Tsukishima didn’t know what to say, mostly because he was surprised over just how good Yamaguchi made it sound to have sex as friends. The blond thought that he’d feel more beaten down at the prospect of Yamaguchi not returning his feelings and merely saying what he had, but maybe Yamaguchi had a point. Friends were important, best friends were special, and Yamaguchi made Tsukishima feel _absolutely_ special when he spoke like that.

That and it offered a comforting shield to hide his feelings behind until he was ready to make that leap with his heart.

Before Tsukishima could respond Yamaguchi just had to add one last thing. “O-or I’ll take good care of _you_! Whichever you wanted to try!” he said, rubbing the back of his head bashfully.

“Hm.” Tsukishima smirked. “Sounds good, Yamaguchi.”

“Wha… Really!?” Yamaguchi exclaimed, even hopping slightly in his excitement. “Ah, I’m kind of excited.” he muttered afterwards.

“Yeah? Not nervous?”

Yamaguchi shook his head. “Not at all, not anymore. That goes for all of what we’ve done, by the way. I was always so shy about this stuff, but it’s been great to be able to… practice with you. Open up, you know?”

Tsukishima sighed, though it was more relaxed than anything. He glanced over at Yamaguchi, something like pride flickering in his golden eyes as he looked at the boy… no, the _man_ in front of him. He really had come so far since they were kids, since that day Tsukishima found him shoved to the ground, crying in front of his bullies. He had hid behind Tsukishima for so long, both of them coming together as friends just so naturally, and Yamaguchi had always been there to support him. Tsukishima hoped that he had managed to do the same for him in some way, even though he knew he could be a jerk at times. The blond felt almost undeserving of such a great person in his life for a second, but when Yamaguchi caught his glance and smiled back at him, he knew they were on the same page. He couldn’t doubt the friendship they had shared for so long, and he knew Yamaguchi would scold him if he said anything about that.

Removing any confusing fluttering in his chest, or irritating feelings in the back of his mind, what Tsukishima was left with was far from nothing. It was _everything_. It was his friendship with Yamaguchi, one that had only became stronger over the summer, and if Tsukishima knew one thing, is that if this would be the only time they’d be connected in such an intimate way, he’d always have _this_ , because he trusted Yamaguchi so thoroughly.

Tsukishima could feel his heart rate pick up again, because that was the first time he realized just how deep his feelings actually ran. It was scary…

“It’s been…” Tsukishima finally managed to wrangle some words together “...really great for me too, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to since the warmth was written all across the smile on his face. There was a pause, but Tsukishima soon noticed Yamaguchi taking a step near him, arms stretched outward and gently wrapping around him, holding Tsukishima close in a warm hug.

“Thanks, Tsukki.” he simply said, head resting on the blond’s shoulder while Tsukishima eventually hugged him back, holding him loosely around the waist. They stayed like that for a while, the sound of the washer sputtering about in the background until it stopped. Yamaguchi gave Tsukishima one last squeeze before pulling away with a smile and turning to open the washer.

Tsukishima didn’t bother to question the embrace at all. Friends _did_ hug, after all…

“Oh, Tsukki, do you know what this means!?” Yamaguchi asked excitedly from the vicinity of the dryer, knocking Tsukishima out of his thoughts.

“What?” he asked, confused as to where Yamaguchi’s train of thought had rolled to next.

“We get to sleep in fluffy clean sheets tonight!”

_Oh._

Tsukishima playfully nudged the back of Yamaguchi’s head, causing him to stumble forward. “Idiot, it’s too hot to get excited about that.” he said flatly, though a smirk did still pull at his lips.

“Fine, then I’ll get all the sheets and you can snuggle with the fan instead.” Yamaguchi shot back, pouting in Tsukishima’s direction.

The blond scoffed out a laugh. “Whatever, Yamaguchi.” he said, waving it off and leaving the room, heading to set up for their actual marathon that Yamaguchi was delighted to see Tsukishima had put on of his own free will…

 

+++

 

They both agreed that sex wouldn’t be something they’d force. Yamaguchi explained that he was totally willing to hold off for a while until they got more comfortable with each other and after a bit more research as well.

_‘And besides, Tsukki! There’s a ton of stuff we haven’t even tried yet!’_ was Yamaguchi’s delighted reasoning. Tsukishima had no complaints, pleased to just go with the flow and not worry too much about the long days of summer coming to an end soon, looming responsibility in the near future…

“So, is it even _possible_ to get an entire fist up there?” Yamaguchi asked, tilting his laptop to the side as he angled his head in the opposite direction, face scrunching up as he observed.

Whatever bit of rice ball Tsukishima had been munching on fell straight out of his mouth at the question.

“Yamaguchi, you’re supposed to be looking at universities.” Tsukishima pointed out, clicking at something on his own laptop as he spoke.

“I know, I know. I got distracted. Sorry, Tsukki.” he said, putting his laptop back down on his lap.

“Fanart again?”

“Some of it is just really _weird_ , okay? Besides, this whole university thing is stressing me out, I needed to get my mind off it.”

“Fair enough, but I’m not putting my fist up there.”

“I never asked you to!”

Tsukishima huffed out a small laugh, but then Yamaguchi’s expression caught his attention, the mood feeling the same as when the freckled boy had voiced his anxieties about this whole graduation thing at the start of summer. Tsukishima had dismissed it at the time, but even _he_ was starting to feel the burn in his mind, that slight pull of anxiety at having to make a big decision not only for himself, but waiting to see what Yamaguchi would decide as well. Feelings or not, Tsukishima knew they both had to make the right choice for them as individuals, no matter how much it would suck to be apart.

Yamaguchi sighed, shuffling over to to where Tsukishima was sitting on the opposite side of the bed, craning his neck to see what the blond was looking at on his screen.

“Biology…?” he questioned.

“Yeah, it’s just at a local university… nothing special, but it’s kind of interesting.” Tsukishima explained. That was probably as good as he was gonna get for the time being, just something vaguely interesting that could get him a career in _something_ , though he wasn’t quite sure _what_.

“Hmm, well at least you have an idea. I can’t think of anything I want to study.”

“What about literature? You’re good at that, aren’t you?”

“Mmm… I guess. _That_ university doesn’t have anything like that though.” Yamaguchi answered, pointing at the website Tsukishima had up on his screen.

“No, but there’s always…” Tsukishima trailed off, finally piecing together what Yamaguchi had said. “Yamaguchi, you can’t make your decision based off of mine, you have to leap in on your own.”

“I know that. I just still can’t wrap my head around us graduating and then… not walking home together anymore, or, hanging out at some fast food place or just… any of it, really.”

“A lot of stuff is gonna change.” Tsukishima said, flinching slightly at how heavy that sounded out loud. He heard Yamaguchi sigh loudly next to him and slip downwards to lay on his back. When he looked over the boy had flung his arm over his face to cover his eyes.

“Guess I’m just frustrated with the situation…”

“You just don’t know what you want to do yet.” Tsukishima stated frankly “It’s still going to take some time, you don’t have to choose today.”

“Yeah…”

There was a quiet pause, sprinkled with a click or two from Tsukishima’s web browsing.

“Hey, Tsukki. Ever think about rooming together?”

“Huh?” Tsukishima blurted.

“It’d be cool, right? If we both went to local universities, even if they were different we’d still get to hang most days like always.” he explained with a boyish smile.

Tsukishima had to use all of his willpower to not scream a _‘yes’_ in Yamaguchi’s face, even though the prospect did bring up a myriad of other problems. Living with Yamaguchi wouldn’t be doing anything to help his crush, but Tsukishima felt like he’d much rather deal with some unrequited feelings over being away from each other and drifting apart.

“It’d be better than rooming with some random…” Tsukishima mumbled, never moving his gaze from his laptop screen.

Yamaguchi leaned over to give Tsukishima a very deliberate smile, as if he didn’t even have the words to show how happy he was. The blond glanced over to see the look on Yamaguchi’s face and he smirked ever so slightly.

“Well, it’s an option then!” Yamaguchi happily exclaimed, reaching for his laptop again with new vitality. “Alright, I’m gonna take another look.”

“Not at porn again I hope.” Tsukishima deadpanned.

“ _Tsukkiii!_ ” Yamaguchi whined.

  
  


+++

 

School was going to begin again soon, and Tsukishima’s last summer as a high school student was just about over. There was something about it that pulled at his chest, but not as much as the prospect of what would happen to he and Yamaguchi’s arrangement when their lives went back to normal during a hectic semester. Not only did they have universities to look into and studies to take care of, volleyball practice would be taking up a lot of time too, and in the life of a third year, there really wasn’t much time for any new experiments.

Tsukishima wanted to ask outright, but he still felt it was such a sensitive situation that any weird prodding would just make things awkward, and they currently weren’t, so staying quiet was his solution. He was getting pretty good at that anyway…

Besides, if he and Yamaguchi really did decide to get an apartment once all this was said and done, he’d have plenty of time to sort out what he wanted to do about this, _if_ he wanted to do anything about this…

“Well, that was episode seventy! I can’t believe you watched it all with me.” Yamaguchi said, ejecting the last DVD he had from his computer and putting it away in its case.

“I can’t believe I did either…”

“What a cliffhanger, huh?”

“You mean Kyou chewing out Tama when he found out that he and Rose were back together, even though she cheated on him?”

“Yeah! How do you think that’ll affect the last game?”

“Pretty sure baseball is the last thing on anyone’s mind.” Tsukishima muttered.

Yamaguchi got up to put his DVD back on the shelf. “Yeah well, _I’m_ excited for it. The last season starts next week! You’re gonna watch it with me right?”

“I’ve already invested too much of my life in this stupid show, but I may as well…”

“Woo hoo!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, plopping himself back on the bed, stretching out and then folding his arms behind his head. “Ah, I guess school starts next week too…” he added, voice suddenly tinted with a hint of sadness.

“Yeah.” Tsukishima replied, his tone just about the same.

“Ugh, we’re gonna be so busy again.” Yamaguchi groaned, rolling on his side and propping his head up on his hand to look at Tsukishima.

“Yep.” he agreed, a sigh escaping him in the process.

“I guess we won’t have much time for marathons anymore.” Yamaguchi went on, a sympathetic grin on his face.

Tsukishima tried not to flinch at the words. He knew what they meant and he had been trying to avoid the topic for so long that he wasn’t quite sure how to address it. They had still been experimenting off and on for the last bit of summer, but they both found themselves busy at the will of their families for the past little while, not getting too much time to themselves, or getting much farther than that one time they took all their clothes off. A tingle still went down Tsukishima’s spine whenever the memory crossed his mind, he wondered if he’d ever let that go.

The blond was about to respond when Yamaguchi’s mother knocked on the door and popped her head inside.

“Tadashi, we’re headed out for the night. Are you and Kei alright here on your own?”

Yamaguchi waved his hand dismissively. “Of course we are!” he said.

“Alright, but don’t spend too much time watching TV again tonight. You need to get your sleep schedule back together.”

Yamaguchi laughed out a _'yes_ ' and his mother backed out again. He listened to her pad away outside for a minute before looking back at Tsukishima.

“Looks like we have time to start a new show, Tsukki.” he said, a bright grin on his face.

“Your euphemisms need some work, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima shot back, as cool as can be, despite the lump in his throat at their sudden privacy.

“I have time to practice _those_ …” he started, rolling up on his knees so he could crawl over to where Tsukishima sat on the bed. “...We haven’t had much time for _this_ though.” he finished, voice veering to that deep tone of his that sent a jolt through Tsukishima’s body. He swallowed.

“I know…” was all Tsukishima managed to say. He didn’t know what had switched in the mood so suddenly, but he knew that his mind was running a blank, probably due to the fact that he had been wanting more of Yamaguchi since that ridiculously warm day and just the suggestion in Yamaguchi’s voice was making the air in his lungs go hot.

Tsukishima felt the anticipation rise from his stomach when he felt Yamaguchi slide in closely next to him. He had been avoiding eye contact, but they slid closed rather naturally when Yamaguchi planted a gentle kiss just under his jaw. Tsukishima cursed the fact that the freckled boy knew _exactly_ where to kiss to get him started, because kissing there alone was enough to make his toes curl. However, Tsukishima hadn’t learned nothing all summer, he knew how to retaliate...

Wearing a smirk, Tsukishima made the smooth move for Yamaguchi’s ear, taking the lobe between his lips and dragging them wetly around it. He could nearly feel Yamaguchi’s pulse rising next to him, feeling his shaky breath on his cheek as well as the boy’s grin.

“I think you know me too well, Tsukki…” he said. Tsukishima’s only response was to flick the lobe with his tongue and trail downwards to nibble at Yamaguchi’s neck, eliciting a soft breath and airy giggle from the boy before he felt Yamaguchi’s arms wrapping around his neck. Tsukishima _did_ know him too well by now, and Yamaguchi probably didn’t understand the extent of how much the blond had catalogued what action made Yamaguchi make which reaction; how when he kissed Yamaguchi a certain way, the freckled boy would always make a low breathy sound in his mouth, or how when Tsukishima let his hand slide up under Yamaguchi’s shirt to feel his skin, the boy would always twitch from being just slightly ticklish.

However, Tsukishima noticed how much Yamaguchi had learned about him too. He’d always pull back from his kisses with just a light tug on Tsukishima’s bottom lip and when the blond’s shirt was finally discarded, Yamaguchi always made sure to give his nipples his undivided attention, and the fact that they had learned all of these things about themselves and each other together, just made it all the more intense for Tsukishima, knowing that all of these things were secrets just between the two of them. Tsukishima had to just push the worry to the back of his mind that it might not _just_ be him who knew all of these things one day…

It was really easy to forget, though, when he had Yamaguchi all to himself in that very moment, spurred on by their new found privacy, the freckled boy not wasting any time getting rid of his shirt as well and pulling Tsukishima down to lay with him, all the while keeping him occupied with hungry kisses. Tsukishima wondered if Yamaguchi had been waiting for this moment of privacy just as much as he was. After the last few weeks of hushed experiments and trying to keep their actions to a minimum, they had both agreed that the next moment they got would be the one where they’d try having sex, and once Tsukishima remembered that agreement, he couldn’t help but pull Yamaguchi closer, kiss him deeper and sink his fingers in harder where they held the boy’s hip. Tsukishima’s force didn’t go unmatched, however, because all the blond could feel was Yamaguchi wrapping his leg around him and pressing their bodies together as much as he could. They were probably both a little desperate, Tsukishima thought in passing when he realized just how hard they were breathing…

“Mm…” was Yamaguchi’s slight sound as he pecked his way out of their kiss. “...so, Tsukki…” he continued, pecking one more time before actually stopping “Did you want to try today?”

“Yeah.” Tsukishima whispered. He was met with Yamaguchi’s bright grin as the boy quickly sat up, confusing Tsukishima at the sudden shift in mood again. It probably would have irritated him more, but this was Yamaguchi he was dealing with and he appreciated their time together no matter what kind of mood was filling the room. Tsukishima propped his head up on his hand and watched curiously as Yamaguchi shuffled things around in his nightstand drawer, finally pulling out two items that they read were very necessary for their next step. Yamaguchi placed the box and bottle on the bed between them and looked down at the objects as if they were going to explain what to do next.

“Okay.” Yamaguchi stated, his voice determined as he crossed his arms and concentrated on the direction he was looking.

Tsukishima blinked, looking in the same direction. “I didn’t think you had it in you to buy this. I could have-...”

Yamaguchi lifted a dismissive hand. “It’s fine, really. Aha, I mean, my face _did_ feel really hot when I bought it, but I bought enough snacks on top of it to deter any awkward attention.” he explained, rather pleased with how he had handled the aforementioned situation. Tsukishima snorted back a laugh in his throat at the story though, looking up at Yamaguchi.

“Or they probably thought you’re a snack fiend after sex.” he pointed out. Yamaguchi’s eyes went wide at the words.

“ _Oh God_ … That _is_ what they thought, isn’t it?” he asked, though more surprised than embarrassed.

“It doesn’t matter. You got it at a drugstore right? I’m sure there’ve been way more ridiculous sale combinations.”

Yamaguchi chuckled. “You’re right! Well, regardless… um… here it is…”

“Yeah…”

They paused, neither of them really knowing what to do next. They made eye contact for a second before shifting their gazes in opposite directions. Yamaguchi rubbed the back of his head.

“So… should we flip a coin?” he asked, grinning bashfully.

Tsukishima thought about it for a second. “I suppose?” he said, unsure.

Yamaguchi reached into his shorts’ pocket and pulled one out, balancing it on his thumb. “Okay, so if it’s heads, I’ll bottom first and if it’s tails then you can try first.” he explained, making it all sound far easier said than done. Tsukishima nodded in agreement.

Yamaguchi flicked his thumb, flipping the coin in the air way too hard as it landed somewhere at the far end of the bed, bouncing against the mattress and finally settling flat. Yamaguchi gently shifted over to take a look, as did Tsukishima and it only took one glance for Tsukishima’s heart to thud, pumping all the harder when Yamaguchi smiled shyly in his direction.

“Guess I’m up first…” he said, followed by a soft giggle as he shifted back to lay down.

Tsukishima stalled for a second, attempting to wrap his head around the situation that was about to happen. He would have been fine with either outcome, but there was a certain amount of pressure about topping first that put him on edge. He hoped he could do this right, hoped he wouldn’t hurt Yamaguchi in the process somehow, hoped he could keep it together… Because if there was _one_ thing Tsukishima was unsure of, it was keeping his feelings inside during the heat of the moment, and during such a delicate task, the blond wasn’t so sure he could do it.

“Tsukki…?” he heard Yamaguchi ask from behind him. Tsukishima finally turned only to see as Yamaguchi peeled off the rest of his clothes, gently nudging his shorts and underwear away once he slid them past his feet. Tsukishima could feel his breath shake in his throat as he watched the display, subconsciously licking his lips as he watched Yamaguchi lay himself back down with a smirk that was partly shy and partly playful on his face. He looked so _good_ …

Tsukishima felt himself being pulled in by Yamaguchi’s presence alone, and he moved in closer, laying down next to Yamaguchi but quickly being stopped by a hand on his hip. Tsukishima glanced down to where Yamaguchi’s fingers had found their way under his waistband. “Do you mind taking these off too?” he asked. Tsukishima shook his head and pulled off his shorts and underwear as well, leaving any and all barrier between them behind once again.

Tsukishima finally laid down next to Yamaguchi, feeling his skin heat up where Yamaguchi held his hips. He watched Yamaguchi’s face, the freckled boy looking down between them and Tsukishima got the distinct impression that Yamaguchi was staring at him. He watched Yamaguchi try to form a word with his mouth, only for it to be snatched up by a deep breath. Tsukishima wondered if he had wanted to say something they had banned each other from saying, the memory of what Yamaguchi had said about him last time nearly making him moan at the thought, but he didn’t have much longer to think about that before Yamaguchi made the bold move of closing any remaining distance between them, hoisting that leg of his over Tsukishima’s, cocks brushing together without a care as he dove into the blond’s mouth with his tongue. Everything felt so hot and close and Tsukishima nearly forgot what they were supposed to be doing as he felt completely taken by the sensation of their hips rolling together. Tsukishima had his hand resting on Yamaguchi’s lower back and it wasn’t until he felt the boy guide his hand lower that he realized just how real this was…

“Ah…” Tsukishima paused, his hand suddenly filled with Yamaguchi’s ass cheek. It was the first time during this whole arrangement that he had touched it, actually, and he wasn’t quite sure how to proceed.

Not missing a beat, Yamaguchi gave him an encouraging smile. “I-It’s okay.” he said, glancing down sideways for a second to see what he could of Tsukishima’s hand on him. Tsukishima hesitated for another moment before finally testing the waters with a gentle squeeze. When he heard Yamaguchi’s breath catch in his throat, Tsukishima figured that was the right way to go and he did it again, grabbing and touching, using his new hand placement to push them close together again and he could tell that Yamaguchi liked it by the way the boy pounced on his lips once more, the fire rebuilding between them and forgetting about any previous hesitation.

Not breaking the kiss, Yamaguchi reached an arm behind Tsukishima’s back and started sliding his hand along the sheets, looking for something. Tsukishima didn’t even have to ask before Yamaguchi brought his hand back and poked Tsukishima’s arm with the bottle from before. The blond broke their kiss and looked down at it where Yamaguchi now held it between them.

“Um… hold out your hand I suppose.” Yamaguchi said softly, flicking the cap as Tsukishima slowly pulled his hand away from the cheek he held and brought it up like Yamaguchi had requested. Yamaguchi cupped the back of Tsukishima’s hand with his own and was about to squeeze the tube before Tsukishima had to stop him.

“Yamaguchi, you’re trembling.” he pointed out, trying to speak as softly as he could.

Yamaguchi jumped slightly and made eye contact with Tsukishima. He looked rather surprised. “What, I am!?” he asked, his voice squeaking out just a bit too much to come off as casual. Tsukishima furrowed his brow.

“If you’re that nervous, we can just-...”

“No, no… I really want to do this.” Yamaguchi interrupted, his voice a lot firmer this time. “I’m excited but I also have no idea what it’s going to feel like and ah… I’m just a _bit_ nervous… Only a little bit though.” he explained, smiling shyly as he did so.

Tsukishima felt so conflicted watching Yamaguchi go on like that, soft voice and smiles as he voiced his concerns. Something about the whole thing felt slightly off because he desperately wanted to comfort Yamaguchi before they went any further, but everything he thought of was far too romantic or boyfriend-like and his heart felt like it was squeezing against itself when he thought about all the things that were missing from this situation. It hurt, and he had nobody else to blame but himself…

Still, Yamaguchi, whom he cared so much for, was patiently waiting for a sign to continue, tilting his head just slightly when it seemed like Tsukishima was lost in his own little world again.

Tsukishima swallowed. Boyfriend-like or not, he knew what he wanted to do and he couldn’t help but do it...

Tsukishima lifted his hand and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Yamaguchi’s ear, leaving his hand there to comfortingly stroke his fingers back and forth at the spot. He leaned in and sweetly placed his lips on Yamaguchi’s forehead, gently kissing him before moving to lean his own forehead against Yamaguchi’s.

“I’ll… take care of you…” he mumbled out, eyes closed so that he wouldn’t have to see Yamaguchi’s expression. He felt his face get really hot and hoped to God he wasn’t visibly blushing because he already felt ridiculously embarrassed…

...But when he cracked open his eyes to assess the damage, all he could see was Yamaguchi looking at him like he couldn’t believe what he had just heard, and then his expression gradually slipped into a smile that looked so warm, Tsukishima was certain he’d never feel cold again.

As he was stuck on Yamaguchi’s smile, Tsukishima hardly noticed when the boy took his hand again and finally squeezed the cool gel over his fingers. The blond gasped lightly at the sudden sensation, attention rising to Yamaguchi again when he heard his voice.

“Thanks, Tsukki.” he said softly, his demeanor relaxing Tsukishima in the process so much that even _he_ managed to smile slightly, the expression most unlike his typical smug smirk, the feeling in his face letting Tsukishima know that he probably _shouldn’t_ be looking at Yamaguchi like that, not while they were still only friends. Tsukishima felt like he was losing control already, especially when Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around him and scooted in close. He propped his leg up so that he’d give Tsukishima better access and hid his face away in the curve of Tsukishima’s neck. Tsukishima felt Yamaguchi kiss him gently there once he was comfortable. “I’m ready. Let’s just take it slow and see what happens…” he said.

“Okay.” Tsukishima replied and he slowly reached behind Yamaguchi to begin.

The lube in his hand had quickly gone warm before he made it to Yamaguchi’s entrance, so when he gently slid his finger between his cheeks, the freckled boy didn’t have to endure any sudden shock of coldness. Tsukishima took a deep breath as he brushed his finger around the circle a few times, slicking it up and getting a feel for how Yamaguchi’s body was reacting to the new sensations. Tsukishima’s free hand found it’s way to the back of Yamaguchi’s head so that he could also comfortingly run his fingers through his hair, happy he did so when he felt Yamaguchi tense up in his arms.

“Talk me through it, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said. Yamaguchi came out of hiding to meet Tsukishima’s gaze.

“W-what do you mean?” he stammered, obviously very distracted.

“Just… tell me what it feels like, what you want… stuff like that. It’ll make this easier.” he explained.

“Right…” Yamaguchi said, eyes shifting tentatively to the side. Tsukishima kissed his forehead again, it seemed to help Yamaguchi relax.

“What does it feel like now?” the blond asked more specifically, his finger still making those gentle circles around Yamaguchi’s entrance.

“W-well, it’s not bad… just, different, I guess…” he explained.

“Alright… well, do you want me to do something else?”

Yamaguchi softly shook his head. “No, this is good. Let me just… Can you bring your hand up again?” he asked, and Tsukishima brought it up without question. Yamaguchi squeezed a far more generous amount of lube in his hand this time, almost a comical amount. Tsukishima looked at him with an amused expression and Yamaguchi just kind of shrugged and smiled. “Can’t be too careful?” he questioned.

“Guess not.” was all that Tsukishima could say before reaching down to try again. Yamaguchi took a deep breath.

“Um… you can try putting one in, if you want.” he said.

Tsukishima’s grip on Yamaguchi tightened ever so slightly at the request, as if he wanted to protect him from what he was going to do next. “Okay.” he said, circling around just a few more times before finally touching the tip of his middle finger just inside. That slight intrusion alone was enough to make Yamaguchi gasp and tense up, so quickly that Tsukishima was about to pull out right away, though Yamaguchi flung a hand back to stop him.

“I know I’m a bit tense, but I need to work through it just as much as you so… bear with me, alright? I know my limit, I’ll tell you if I want to stop.” he explained, his voice calm despite the slight tremor behind it.

Tsukishima ran his fingers through Yamaguchi’s hair and tried to relax again. “Alright, Yamaguchi. Does that mean I can-...”

“You can keep going, Tsukki.” he allowed, taking another deep breath, an airy giggle escaping as his lungs emptied. “I’ll try my best to relax. I don’t even know what I’m worried about, you’re right here.”

Tsukishima felt his heart swell at just how much trust Yamaguchi put into him, and despite everything the blond was holding back, he’d be certain to make sure Yamaguchi’s trust wouldn’t be wasted.

“It’s gonna be fine.” Tsukishima assured, pushing his finger in more, bit by bit, softly petting through Yamaguchi’s hair to relax him until he finally managed to get all the way inside. Once at that stage, he looked down to see Yamaguchi’s expression. “That’s one whole finger. What does that feel like?” he asked.

Yamaguchi had his eyes shut tight but opened them as Tsukishima explained what was going on. “So that’s what it feels like…” he said absently.

“Good… bad…?”

Yamaguchi paused for a second to think. “Ah, different… But, a good kind of different! At least, um… it could get good. I think. Try moving it?”

Tsukishima didn’t seem so sure, especially with how unsure Yamaguchi seemed himself, but the freckled boy was clearly still trying to figure it all out so the blond decided to give it a tentative shot and began sliding his finger out, and then back in, repeating the motion through Yamaguchi’s tightness which seemed to be clamping down more and more to the point where Tsukishima had to stop again, especially since Yamaguchi had started to tremble once more.

The freckled boy looked crazy tense as Tsukishima felt him clamp around his one finger. He almost felt panicked over the fact that he was so obviously hurting Yamaguchi again, like he prayed he wouldn’t do like that horrible first hand-job. He knew he had to do something to make Yamaguchi relax, something more than just hushed words and petting his hair, and then it hit him: the surefire way to always calm Yamaguchi down...

“Yamaguchi…” Tsukishima said gently, trying to get the boy’s attention. Yamaguchi managed to make eye contact with him, even if he did look like he was on the verge of tears. “...Do you remember last year when Hinata spiked the ball so hard against the pole that it hit Kageyama in the face?”

Yamaguchi looked utterly confused over such a sudden change of subject, especially with an invading finger inside of him, but as his eyes vaguely scanned back and forth as he mulled over the memory, a small grin graced his face.

“Aha, yeah… he flew back so much that he hit the volley-ball bin…”

“...And knocked the whole thing over.”

Yamaguchi snorted back a laugh, and Tsukishima smirked because he could feel on his finger that the distraction seemed to be working. Yamaguchi seemed to regain his composure, but then the next part of the story came to him and he couldn’t help but continue.

“Oh! But then when he tried to get up he totally rolled back on one of the volley-balls and then Hinata tried so desperately to help him only to trip up on one himself…”

“They fell down like four times in a row.” Tsukishima added “They looked like rodeo clowns, I couldn’t believe how ridiculous it was.”

There must have been something in the way Tsukishima had said it or maybe Yamaguchi’s memory was far too vivid but he was officially off in a fit of giggles at that point, and even if it was a bit hard to keep his hand steady through the boy’s shaking, Tsukishima could feel Yamaguchi loosening up rather nicely. As Yamaguchi’s laughter began to subside, Tsukishima finally managed to easily slide his finger in and out and Yamaguchi was quick to grin at Tsukishima when he realized what had just happened.

“Mm, Tsukki, it’s starting to feel better.” he said.

“You always relax a lot after you laugh.” Tsukishima pointed out and Yamaguchi looked touched that the blond would even pick up on something like that. He nestled himself back in the curve of Tsukishima’s neck and sighed.

“Try a second one. I think I can manage…” he said, hardly sounding as tense anymore.

Tsukishima brought his index finger into the mix, still slicked up from before as he attempted to nudge a second finger inside. Yamaguchi squirmed a bit at the stretch, but he was starting to get used to the feeling and it wasn’t much of a struggle as when they started.

Yamaguchi let out a hot breath against Tsukishima’s neck, shifting the mood to one that felt a lot more intense between them, and Tsukishima managed to get a rhythm going to match his ever quickening pulse. He could hear small sounds catching in Yamaguchi’s throat, some sounded slightly pained but others were positively fervent when he parted his lips, and Tsukishima could feel himself growing hard every time one of those brushed past his ears.

Thinking back to what they had read about before, Tsukishima decided to try curling his fingers once he managed to slide in deep enough and as soon as he did Yamaguchi gave a sharp gasp as his eyes darted open. Tsukishima froze.

“What was that?” Yamaguchi quickly asked.

“Um… prostate?” Tsukishima guessed awkwardly.

Yamaguchi blinked at him then looked down to where Tsukishima’s fingers were still inside of him then back again. “I get it now.”

“Huh?”

“I get what all the fuss is about.”

Tsukishima smirked slightly, the phrase bringing back memories of before all this even started but Yamaguchi’s kiss brought him back from walking down memory lane.

“Mm…” Yamaguchi moaned softly against Tsukishima’s lips. “Do it again.”

Tsukishima didn’t hesitate and he rubbed against the same spot once more making Yamaguchi moan much more loudly and deeply, so much that Tsukishima was surprised at the sound but _damn_ did it sound good…

Soon Yamaguchi was even attempting to move himself over Tsukishima’s fingers and the blond just loved making Yamaguchi feel like this, coming undone far more than he had before, relinquishing control and putting all of his trust in Tsukishima to do this with him. He kept it up, holding Yamaguchi as close as he could against him, he didn’t even care if they had sex or not because getting to see Yamaguchi like this was far more than he could have ever asked for, and it all only got more unbelievable when he felt the boy reach down to take hold of his cock.

“Ah…” Tsukishima breathed at the feeling, a deeper sound escaping him when Yamaguchi began stroking him. “You don’t have to-...”

Yamaguchi stopped him with a kiss. “I want you to feel good too.” he said, softly pulling back on it and brushing his thumb through the wetness leaking from the tip. Tsukishima groaned.

“So it feels good like this?” Tsukishima asked.

“It does.” Yamaguchi whispered as he stroked in time with Tsukishima’s motions. “Feels really intense, almost like I don’t need to be touched at all.” he explained and the mention of that made Tsukishima look down to see just how hard and dripping Yamaguchi was. The image just bringing forth a flurry of desires and feelings through Tsukishima’s mind. “Mm… I’m not sure if I’ll… be able to take all of you though.”

Tsukishima thought as much, but he was completely fine with just going this far, especially since they both seemed so close to the edge already. Stuff like this tended to take time and Tsukishima wanted to let Yamaguchi know that he’d give him all the time he needed.

“We can try again some other time…” he said, kissing Yamaguchi’s forehead again.

“Really? You don’t mind?” Yamaguchi sounded a bit surprised.

“Of course I don’t mind. One step at a time remember?”

Yamaguchi smiled at that, flush freckled cheeks perking up as he rested his forehead against Tsukishima’s. He sighed.

“I’m so glad I’m doing this with you.” Yamaguchi said, breath hitching on one of Tsukishima’s motions. Tsukishima moaned softly at the sound and feeling of it all. He knew what Yamaguchi meant, but it went straight to his heart, piercing it and making Tsukishima form the words in his head for the first time.

_...I’m in love with him…_

...And he was so close to saying it, but it still wasn’t right. Now that he was certain, he knew for sure he’d tell Yamaguchi the truth but he still had to get himself ready, and in that moment, all Tsukishima felt ready for was coming together with Yamaguchi…

“Stroke us both together…” Tsukishima suggested and Yamaguchi obliged, taking just a quick second to squeeze some lube into his hand so that everything slid easily against each other.

“Mm… Tsukki, this feels amazing…” Yamaguchi breathed.

“Keep going, Yamaguchi…” Tsukishima said, just as breathless, and all too soon, they came more or less together, panting and holding each other close, instinctively, as they tried to catch their breaths. Tsukishima gently removed his fingers, finally looking at Yamaguchi’s face in the aftermath.

Tsukishima didn’t know if he expected anything other than pure bliss on Yamaguchi’s face, but that’s all he saw and it made him feel really good.

“I think I might have to do that for you next time, Tsukki. You _need_ to know what it’s like.” he said, as normally and excited as ever. The _‘next time’_ in his sentence made relief flow through Tsukishima and he finally got the courage to ask about it.

“So… you still want to do this, even after school starts?”

Yamaguchi looked a bit surprised. “Hm? Well yeah, if you still wanted to and when we have the time of course. Just because the summer is over doesn’t mean we have to stop having fun.” he explained, giving Tsukishima the widest of grins.

Tsukishima almost felt like laughing, partly because of course Yamaguchi would say that, but mostly over how ridiculously relieved he felt that even though the busiest months of their lives were about to begin, nothing would change between them, not even their experiments…

...And it gave Tsukishima the confidence he needed to get his act together and confess. He just needed to find the right moment and hope for the best, because the next time they did this and finally go all the way, he wanted all of those missing pieces to be filled in. He wanted to be able to look Yamaguchi in the eyes, compliment him and tell him how much he loved him...

 

+++

 

School was suddenly upon them and Tsukishima was feeling the burn just after the first few days. The amount of homework was piling up already, getting the team organized for their last tournament was happening and of course those first meetings with the guidance counselor was all taking up just as much time as Tsukishima had predicted, though he was still happy to walk home with Yamaguchi at the end of every day. That never changed, and he’d be certain to hold onto it as long as he could.

It felt like the days of their summer together just faded into memories unspoken, especially so when they were around other people again, teachers and teammates alike flooding their attention and suddenly it wasn’t just the two of them anymore.

Tsukishima had to admit to himself that it did feel a bit lonely, especially how Yamaguchi had branched himself off to speak with other people and joke along with them, because why wouldn’t he? The boy was just trying to enjoy his last year of high school as much as he could and Tsukishima knew that no matter how much time he spent teaching the first years how to serve or how many other classmates asked to have lunch with him that they still shared a special bond no matter what. The looks they shared alone could tell him that. Looks that spoke far more volumes than words ever could.

It was the feeling those looks gave him that led Tsukishima to what he had ultimately decided to do. He was going to tell Yamaguchi how he felt before the semester let out, because even though they hadn't experimented since things got busy again, Tsukishima was certain that the looks and subtle touches during the day were far more than just friendly at that point, and at the very least, he felt like Yamaguchi still had a certain desire for him, so what would be the big deal in telling him the truth? Well, it  _was_ a huge deal, there was no diminishing that, but Tsukishima knew he needed to do this, before he did something dumb like lean in and kiss him like he almost caught himself doing so many times already. Enough was enough...

 

+++

 

The days were getting colder and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were just packing up after practice to go home. Noticing the holes in Yamaguchi’s scarf wrapping, Tsukishima took it upon himself to fix the openings.

“Ha ha, thanks Tsukki!” Yamaguchi brightly exclaimed “So! Are you ready to watch the finale tomorrow? You’re coming over right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Tsukishima said, voice thick with sarcasm.

“Oh, come on! It’s like the end of an era!” Yamaguchi said, ridiculously over dramatic but Tsukishima smirked at the declaration, because it kind of was, and the anticipation for the next night was rumbling in the pit of his stomach.

It had been that stupid show that started this whole thing, that brought them closer together and somehow brought them to that intimate place. Tsukishima had decided that he’d be just a little cheesy and confess his feelings once they were done watching the finale, if anything because he thought Yamaguchi would appreciate the gesture and mostly because he was finally ready.

As they left the club room, Tsukishima tried his best to clear his mind, he had one whole day to prepare himself and enjoy the easiness of hanging out with Yamaguchi as friends before he either lost it all or gained everything… It could go either way…

"Besides..." Yamaguchi continued, his voice veering low into a whisper "...My parents are gone this weekend, and we finally have some time alone, we could start watching it again." he said, expression far from subtle.

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, a smirk not too far off. "Now that sounds like a plan." he said, and Tsukishima couldn't feel more excited, because the situation just felt way too perfect.

 

Before he could begin to think too hard about it, though, he was suddenly distracted by Yachi who seemed to be waiting by the stairs.

“Oh! Yamaguchi, there you are!” she exclaimed, and Tsukishima instantly felt a pinch of anxiety in his chest. Yachi’s demeanor was just slightly different than normal, and it made Tsukishima very suspicious.

“Hm? What’s going on?” Yamaguchi asked, a friendly smile on his face.

“Well, somebody in my class said she wants to talk to you about something. Do you mind coming with me?”

Yamaguchi blinked and then looked over at Tsukishima. “Um, do you mind waiting for me at the school gate? I don’t think this will take long, right Yachi?”

Yachi shook her head and Yamaguchi looked back at Tsukishima for his response. This kind of situation felt far too familiar for Tsukishima to be comfortable with. He wanted to grab Yamaguchi’s arm and tell him not to go, but the blond must have subconsciously given some sort of affirmative response in his expression because Yachi was already guiding Yamaguchi away and everything felt like it was slipping from his grasp in an instant.

Tsukishima made it to the school gate, but just barely since every one of his limbs felt heavy. It couldn’t be what he thought, could it? Not _this_ late in the semester, what good would _that_ do? Then again, whoever this person was had been quicker than _he_ was and he wanted to punch a hole clean through the wall over how frustrated he felt with himself. If he had just said something sooner, he wouldn’t be dealing with this. If he had just said something sooner, maybe Yamaguchi would be-...

“Hey, Tsukki! Sorry for keeping you waiting!” he suddenly heard, Yamaguchi’s quick footsteps coming to a stop next to him.

“So, what was that about?” Tsukishima tried to ask casually, despite his low tone and how hard he was making a fist behind his back.

Yamaguchi paused as an honest-to-God _blush_ crept over his cheeks.

“Aha she just… asked me out on a date. Can you believe it?”

Tsukishima’s heart felt like it was going to shatter.

“I can.” he said, face tightening as he tried to hold back the tremors of anger he felt jolt through him. He knew he had no right to be angry, he knew he had to hold it all in, but his mind was coming undone and all he could feel was gross spite. “Ha, you better hide all those skills you learned.”

_No, stop._

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Well you know, it’s probably her first date. Some people feel intimidated when their partner is so experienced you know.”

_Shit_ , why was it coming out like that?

Yamaguchi furrowed his brow, looking confused but also rather annoyed.

“And you’re saying this… _why_? We know why we did that stuff, Tsukki. You did the same things I did. You don’t have to talk to me that way.”

Yamaguchi was right, and Tsukishima had no right to feel as jealous or as betrayed as he did, all of those ugly feelings making him feel utterly sick to his stomach because this was all his fault, all because he was too scared to tell Yamaguchi how he felt, and at that point, after all they had done and shared, he desperately wished he had told him sooner, before he said something else so stupid that he couldn’t even recognize his own behaviour. He clenched his fist as he looked down at the ground, unable to look Yamaguchi in the eye.

“Aren’t you going to answer me?” Yamaguchi asked, his voice firm verging on demanding, because he had every right to demand some sort of response.

He couldn’t say it, not like this and yet it was the only response that was bubbling up into his throat, pinching at the tip of his tongue.

“Tsukishima, tell me the truth.” and _that_ was a demand, lack of nickname just cutting through Tsukishima’s very existence, making him lose all sense of reality, because there was no way that he was actually about to confess his feelings like this, not with Yamaguchi so angry, not after he had put forth such disgusting jealousy, not like-

“I love you.”

Time stopped, Tsukishima was certain. He wasn’t even sure if he had actually said it, it didn’t feel real, especially since all he could see was the ground below him. He felt his heart race and pulse speed painfully through his veins. His head was spinning and he felt like if he didn’t sit down quickly, he’d pass right out, but none of that mattered half as much as what Yamaguchi was going to say. Tsukishima hadn’t heard him say _anything_ , hadn’t heard even a shift as a reaction. He was terrified to look up, _absolutely_ terrified…

...But he had to…

...And he did…

...And all he could see was Yamaguchi glaring at him through flowing tears, his hands clenched tightly into fists as they trembled at his sides. Tsukishima wanted to say something, _anything_ that would make it better, because it wasn’t supposed to be like that, but before Tsukishima could even manage a step forward, Yamaguchi took a step back, and then another until he turned away from Tsukishima completely and walked away without saying a word.

Tsukishima just stood there and watched Yamaguchi leave, a stinging feeling in his own eyes over how desperately he wanted to chase after him, but he couldn’t.

He couldn’t comfort him…

He couldn’t fix this…

...And just like that Tsukishima was certain that he had just lost the most important person in his life...

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooo! This one was even more of a doozy to get through 8'D I'm also happy/sad to say that the next chapter will be the last one, so I'll do my best to clue this all together :)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter in the meantime! :D Thank you all so much for reading and as usual, let me know what you thought! ~


	7. Chapter 7

Tsukishima stood in front of the school gate for what felt like hours, and probably was, since the sun had set ages ago and the chill in the air was beginning to numb the tips of his fingers. It had all happened so fast, so much that he wasn’t sure what had actually happened as his brain glazed over in a hazy veil of denial, slipping in and out of what had actually happened and what he wished had happened instead. However, through it all, what truly worried him was Yamaguchi’s silence.

When he closed his eyes, all he could see was the image of the heavy tears coating Yamaguchi’s cheeks, falling with reckless abandon. What had made him cry so quickly? Was it Tsukishima’s unnecessary comments? Did Yamaguchi feel betrayed? Or was it…

...that confession…

...That poorly thought out, blast of words that was supposed to make the person hearing them feel happy, but Yamaguchi looked furious and walked away without saying a word on top of it. Maybe he thought the whole thing was a joke, confession and all. That would be rich...

Tsukishima rubbed at his eyes, his glasses shifting uncomfortably up his face at the motion. What was he supposed to do now? Leave him alone? Talk it out? How on earth could he even _face_ Yamaguchi after all that, after he insulted him at the drop of a hat and didn’t even wait to hear what happened with that girl.

It suddenly occurred to Tsukishima that he hadn’t even heard the whole story and his heart just felt pinched in his chest because what if it wasn’t anything like he was thinking? What if Yamaguchi had said no, or didn’t even like the girl who asked him out. It could have been anything, and Tsukishima felt sick as all the what-ifs ran through his mind, all the regrets dragging through his limbs as he sluggishly made his way home.

He dropped his bag to the floor and let himself fall to his bed, body springing back stiffly as he hit the mattress. He laid there for a while, wondering if maybe he should give Yamaguchi a call, but it was late and Tsukishima didn’t know if he could handle Yamaguchi not picking up on the other end.

He felt that stinging in his eyes again, and he pinched in his entire face shut as hard as he could because he didn’t have the right to even _feel_ like crying over how much he had ruined everything…

...But Tsukishima couldn’t stop it, and he ended up falling asleep in his utterly pathetic puddle of tears.

 

+++

 

Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he had ever woken up so miserable in his life, still clad in his school uniform, and neck sore from sleeping in the same position for hours. It seemed like even his unconscious body didn’t want to move for fear of breaking. It was quiet in the house, the only sounds catching his ears being the rare creak or a small bird whistle from outside. What would normally be a peaceful morning to relish in, never sounded louder and more aggravating to Tsukishima, and he was still unable to move to do something about the deafening silence.

He felt his hand twitch at his side, coming up to feel the roughness where the puddle of tears had dried on his pillow. He brought his hand to his face rubbing at his sore swollen eyes, trying his best to find the will to open them, noticing the light of a dark morning outside when he could finally crack them open. Well, that was appropriate…

Tsukishima sighed, a bit surprised that he was even still capable of breathing considering how much dread was pinning him to the bed. He glanced over to his nightstand where his phone was and that’s all it took for every single memory from the night before to crowd his mind like a rush hour train station, loud and bustling and it immediately gave him a headache.

It hurt.

It hurt _so_ much…

...But this was hardly about him. Who cared if Tsukishima was feeling guilty to the point of being physically ill when Yamaguchi was…

Tsukishima’s thoughts trailed off because he had no idea what Yamaguchi could be thinking. How did he feel when he woke up this morning? Had he cried just as much? Did he try to call too, only to realize that it was probably worthless to try and converse with such a pathetic excuse for a friend and just toss his phone to the side? Tsukishima assumed all of that was true and his stomach churned because what on earth was he supposed to do?

Give Yamaguchi some space, for sure, but even then, their time together was so limited already and it was all drawing to close so quickly. What if they never made up and never spoke again and just drifted apart and that would be it?

A sharp jolt of pain pierced through Tsukishima’s head, the migraine taking its toll as he drove himself crazy with all of his questions and hypotheticals. He had to rein it in and get a grip. There was no way he was going to let that happen, or let it get that bad. He already allowed _this_ to happen and he wasn’t about to mess up again. He loved Yamaguchi, as a friend and beyond and he’d fix this no matter how much it cost him his pride. He’d beg on his hands and knees if he had to…

...But first, he knew he _did_ owe Yamaguchi some space without his egocentric presence hogging all of his attention. Tsukishima reached for his phone and tapped around to find Yamaguchi’s message feed to send him a text. He took a deep breath before finding the right words.

_/I know I’m an idiot, you don’t have to tell me… or hell, tell me a million times if that’s what you want. I deserve it. I don’t want to fix things over a text message, but I also know you need your space, so, please just know that I want to talk to you when you’re ready. However long it’ll take, I’ll wait./_

He hit send, gripping the phone painfully in his hand as he stared at the message he sent. It wasn’t enough, something like a text could never be enough, he knew that, but at the very least Yamaguchi would know that he wasn’t afraid to work this out, no matter what the outcome would be. His thumb began tapping out one last message.

_/One step at a time./_

He swallowed and hit send, roughly putting his phone back on the nightstand as his trembling grip came undone. Tsukishima’s breath was shaking, his chest tight and he knew that if he didn’t get a handle on himself, he would break down into a panic all too soon.

He had never been more thankful to hear his mother call him down for breakfast...

 

+++

 

Tsukishima didn’t hear from Yamaguchi the whole day. He wondered if he had even _seen_ the messages. It probably didn’t matter either way. Tsukishima knew he’d at least _see_ Yamaguchi the next day at school, so that would be enough for now, not that Tsukishima even felt like he deserved to lay eyes on Yamaguchi, but just knowing that he still existed would be enough of a step for him at that stage. He still kept his phone close by though, just in case…

The lack of Yamaguchi’s presence on a lazy Sunday did not go unnoticed by Tsukishima, especially so when the clock struck seven and he realized what it was time for. It was time for the finale…

Tsukishima wondered if he should watch it. Without Yamaguchi it just felt wrong, even more so as all the reasons for him not being there flooded his mind again, though they never really drained. Tsukishima had been drowning in his thoughts all day.

He missed Yamaguchi so much…

He sat on the couch, hand twitching over to the remote to turn on the television and hesitating as he scrolled through the channels. He needed something, _anything_ to distract him from that emptiness, and maybe if he watched the show, it would make him feel in some way that Yamaguchi was there. Tsukishima desperately wished he was...

The latest theme song filled the room and Tsukishima sighed. He glanced to his side and he could almost see Yamaguchi sitting on the edge of his seat, pumped out of his mind even more so this time because Tsukishima knew how excited he was for this. He imagined Yamaguchi hopping against the cushion as he sat, looking over at him and giving that wide smile he always gave. Tsukishima had to pull himself together, his eyes were stinging again…

Tama was standing on the pitcher’s mound, and it was his final throw. Tsukishima could practically feel Yamaguchi’s small fists punching him excitedly in the shoulder.

_‘Tsukki, look! Look! Ah!’_ he’d say, and there it was, actual tears rolling down his face again as Tama pitched with all of his might, helping his team the only way he could and winning them the game. Tsukishima could have guessed as much, of _course_ the main team of the show would win the final game, but he kept imagining Yamaguchi jumping to his feet and yelling happily over, _‘What a great finale that was! Ah, Tsukki, that was amazing!’_

Tsukishima wiped the tears from his eyes and rested his head back against the couch as the end credits began rolling. That was probably the _worst_ distraction he could have picked. He was all worked up again and all he wanted was to have Yamaguchi actually sitting next to him. He wondered if Yamaguchi had caught the finale too…

The end credits stopped on the image of a pitcher’s mound. Appropriate enough, Tsukishima thought, as he pointed the remote at the television, aiming to shut it off but then the shot kept moving and it seemed like there was one last scene to be shown. Tsukishima decided he may as well watch every last minute of the dumb thing so he gazed intently at the screen.

Tama was standing on the mound, looking proudly up at the starry sky. That was his last game as a high school student and he was ridiculously happy over having won. He then heard a voice behind him and of course it was Kyou there to greet him, slinging an arm over his friend’s shoulder as he hugged him. Even in his lowest moment, Tsukishima couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He wondered if all the subtext in sport’s dramas was that _‘subtle’_.

...But then it got weird. Tama looked over at Kyou who had been saying how much he was going to miss playing on a team with Tama. Kyou looked at Tama when he said they’d always be on the same team as he placed his hand on Kyou’s chest, over his heart. Tsukishima felt one of his eyebrows lift as he watched on, the two baseball players on screen just staring into each others’ eyes for what felt like minutes until finally…

Tsukishima’s eyes were as wide as they could go, and he was sure his mouth was hanging on the floor, because he couldn’t believe that after eighty episodes of watching Kyou and Tama yell at each other over baseball and girlfriends, they were kissing on the pitcher’s mound where they had first met.

Tsukishima was so perplexed over what he was seeing, that he didn’t even hesitate picking up his phone when it started vibrating in his pocket.

“Hello?” he answered, voice cracking as his eyes remained glued to the screen. He was so caught up in his stupor that he didn’t even process the familiar voice on the other end

“Tsukki, are you seeing this?” it asked.

“I-I can’t believe it… This _is_ Japanese prime time television, right?”

Tsukishima was hypnotized by the last few minutes of screen time as the kiss heated up and Kyou just merely pounced, knocking Tama over as the camera panned up to the starry sky and faded to black.

There was a pause as Tsukishima blinked at the television, quiet phone still held up to his ear.

“I guess… _Kyou_ was more of a pitcher, huh Tsukki?”

And that’s all it took for Tsukishima to start shaking with laughter, each pain and bit of anxiety just darting away in those few pure seconds of relief and warmth of hearing Yamaguchi’s voice and laughing at his joke, but the illusion shattered all too quickly as the laughter subsided and all Tsukishima was left with was the phone static buzzing on his ear.

“Yamaguchi…” he started.

“I got your texts this morning, Tsukki…” Yamaguchi interrupted and Tsukishima flinched, though he did feel slightly softened by Yamaguchi using his nickname again. He didn’t sound mad, but he had known Yamaguchi long enough that he could pick out the hesitation in his voice, like he was walking on eggshells trying to find the right words. Tsukishima felt his eyes sting again. He didn’t need to do that, if anything he should have been yelling at him through the phone, but there he was, speaking to him as calm as could be…

“Um…”

“You’re right, this isn’t something we should do over the phone so… can you come over?”

“Are you… sure? I can give you more time if-”

“Tsukki, do I sound unsure to you?” Yamaguchi interrupted again. He didn’t. Tsukishima knew _he_ was the one who was trying to stall because he wasn’t expecting to get this chance so quickly, but this whole situation needed to be guided by Yamaguchi and he knew he had to keep up because if he didn’t, he’d never be able to catch him again.

“No.” Tsukishima answered, swallowing back hard on the lump in his throat. “I’ll be over as fast as I can.”

“See you.” Yamaguchi said softly, and the call was ended quickly after that.

It only took a second for Tsukishima to spring off of the couch and leap into his shoes, barely giving his mother a coherent goodbye before bolting out the door and down the street.

He would catch him.

He would fix this.

He would-...

“Hi, Tsukki.”

...Completely break as soon as Yamaguchi opened the door. He stood there motionless, unable to say anything as the boy observed him. Tsukishima had ran there so fast he didn’t even have time to think about what he was actually running towards. This probably wouldn’t even be a chance to apologize, Yamaguchi could have just dropped him right then and there and tell him to never speak to him again.

Except he didn’t…

...And Tsukishima could feel a tug on his sleeve guiding him into the warm house and up the stairs to his room where Yamaguchi made him sit on the edge of his bed. He sat down too. Tsukishima flinched at the dip in the mattress, looking firmly at the floor feeling completely undeserving of Yamaguchi’s presence.

Yamaguchi sighed. “So… You love me.” he stated bluntly, the force of the words slapping Tsukishima’s gaze upwards to catch Yamaguchi’s.

“Yamaguchi, that’s-...”

Tsukishima was anxious and he knew it showed it on his face, but Yamaguchi was calm as could be, looking back at him with a serious expression though it still seemed somehow thoughtful. He had put up a hand to signal Tsukishima to stop talking.

“Don’t deflect, okay? I just… I want you to elaborate.”

“Elaborate?” Tsukishima asked, his voice sounding so small it surprised even himself.

“Yeah. How… how long have you… felt that way?” he asked, and this time it was Yamaguchi’s turn to stare at the floor.

Tsukishima gave it some thought before he formed an answer. He had no idea just how difficult talking about this would be, but Yamaguchi wanted to hear it, and Tsukishima desperately needed to tell the truth for once. There was no sense in holding anything back anymore…

“I’ve had a crush on you since the start of second year.” he confessed, taking note of Yamaguchi’s eyes going wide at the words, but he pushed on. “I didn’t know what it was for a while and when I _did_ realize I just thought it would pass. I didn’t bother saying anything because I didn’t want some silly crush making things awkward but then we… ended up doing all that stuff and spending all that time together and I realized just how much I…” Tsukishima could feel the air thinning in his lungs as he spoke, he had no idea what was going on in Yamaguchi’s mind while he said all these things and he could barely see his face at that angle. He was going to say those three words again, but clamped his mouth down so they wouldn’t escape.

“So even before all this started you…” Yamaguchi muttered at first, but he quickly turned to look at Tsukishima with an anxious glare. “And you let me do all that stuff with you? Why would… why couldn’t you have just _told_ me, Tsukki!?” he asked, voice raising in what Tsukishima could only hear as exasperation, but he didn’t understand the question.

“What, so I could lose you? I didn’t know how you were going to react and I was terrified that if I said anything, we’d just… drift apart.”

“Do you honestly think what we have is so fickle?” Yamaguchi asked, staring at Tsukishima so disbelievingly that the blond had no idea what to say.

“No.” is what came out, and with it came a heavy silence before Yamaguchi spoke up again.

“I was really mad at you yesterday.” he said. Tsukishima stood his ground. He deserved every punch thrown at him, be it verbal or physical and he’d take them all. “First it was because you said all that hateful stuff. I couldn’t _believe_ you were throwing all that back in my face, especially after all that trust I put in you.”

“I’m so sorry, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said hoarsely, but Yamaguchi raised his hand again. He wasn’t done.

“I know… And I know you didn’t really mean it because after you said… _that_ … I knew it was because you were jealous.” he paused, looking over to make sure his eyes were locked with Tsukishima when he made his point. “Your jealousy is really ugly…” he pointed out, but there was something behind his voice that didn’t make it sound as dark as it could have. It helped ease Tsukishima’s tension as he continued to look Yamaguchi in the eye.

“I know.” he agreed.

“Tsukki, do you know why I was crying yesterday?” Yamaguchi asked.

Tsukishima scanned over the boy’s face with his eyes to look for the answer. He shook his head.

“I was floored but when you told me you loved me I was just furious over the fact that you hadn’t let me in on it.”

“W-what?”

“I’ve been with you since we were kids, Tsukki. I know how to handle you when you’re being a jerk. I know how you can get and I’ve always stood by you, defended you and praised you through good times and through the bad. You’re my best friend… And I can’t believe that you’d settle for my stupid experiment idea when you could have just said something and I could have started falling in love with you too…”

Tsukishima’s heart was pulsing fiercely. “What are you saying, Yamaguchi?” he asked, he didn’t want to get any of his hopes up without being completely sure.

“I’m saying I need you to give me a minute to catch up with you because you’ve been keeping this inside for so long and I’m only just now… starting to understand.”

“Are you still mad at me?”

“No.”

“Are we… still friends?”

“Always.”

Tsukishima’s eyes went wide at the answer, but he didn’t have much time to think because Yamaguchi had scooted himself closer.

“Kiss me.” he said, and Tsukishima was speechless. “It started right here, remember? I was nervous and thought it would be weird kissing you and that’s pretty much the extent of what was going on in my mind at the time. I can’t even imagine what was going on in yours.”

“I was nervous. I honestly thought that kissing you would snap me out of that confusing crush…” Tsukishima explained “...I was wrong.” he added, and Yamaguchi’s lips twitched upwards into a smile for the first time that evening.

“Start over, then. Kiss me like you did the first time only… give me the chance to feel how you did.”

Tsukishima didn’t have to reach far back into his memories to remember how he kissed Yamaguchi the first time. He lifted his hand and cupped Yamaguchi’s face, the whole motion far more natural and fluid than the first time as Yamaguchi leaned into his touch, closing his eyes as Tsukishima ran his thumb over his adorable freckles. He leaned in slowly, touching his lips with Yamaguchi’s, pressing in warmly and gently until pulling away with that soft pop.

“Mm… your lips are soft, Tsukki.” he said, his grin warm yet impish at the same time. Tsukishima couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe the man in front of him because Yamaguchi was amazing, _too_ amazing to be real, and Tsukishima smiled, a soft bit of laughter escaping him to tickle at Yamaguchi’s lips.

“Yours too, Yamaguchi.” he responded, trailing his fingers down Yamaguchi’s cheek to brush past his lips. Yamaguchi didn’t miss a beat and playfully caught Tsukishima’s fingertips with them, suckling for only a second, just enough to make Tsukishima’s face grow hot. Yamaguchi sighed and leaned his forehead against Tsukishima’s.

“My heart’s beating like crazy…” he confessed. “Is this what you’ve felt the whole time?”

“More or less…”

Tsukishima felt Yamaguchi’s hands rest on his waist, pulling him closer as he placed a kiss under his jaw, the warm anticipation it gave relaxing all of his limbs. A soft hum vibrated deep in his throat and he felt Yamaguchi’s fingers curl in the fabric of his shirt as his cheeks raised in a smile against his neck, all in reaction to that sound.

“I’m shutting down these experiments, I hope you know.” Yamaguchi said.

“I know.”

“Which means I don’t have to hold back anymore either.”

“No…” Tsukishima breathed, the word catching as Yamaguchi kissed his neck again.

“I really like your voice when you moan.” he said against Tsukishima’s ear, and it was already too much. Tsukishima felt like putty in Yamaguchi’s hands at just the single acknowledgement, but it wasn’t fair. Tsukishima wanted to be the one to spoil Yamaguchi with compliments, he deserved it far more than he did, but he was enraptured by the sound of Yamaguchi’s voice saying something like that. He felt Yamaguchi’s hand slip up under his shirt, softly pinching one of his nipples between his fingers. “Especially when I touch you here…” he stated, pulling at the bud just so to make Tsukishima make that sound he wanted to hear.

“Yamaguchi…” Tsukishima whispered, leaning in quickly to attempt to capture Yamaguchi’s lips in a heated kiss like he wanted, but all he was met with was a devilish smile and Yamaguchi squeezing at his cheeks with one hand, stopping him mid-pucker.

“And you, Tsukishima Kei, if you want _any_ chance of going further than that then you’d better take me out on a date.” he said, gripping at Tsukishima’s cheeks so hard the blond was certain his face was just entirely pained fish lips at that point. He did manage to nod though and Yamaguchi released him, looking satisfied with his work. Tsukishima rubbed his face.

“I forgive you by the way… in case that wasn’t clear.” Yamaguchi said.

“It was crystal. I’m sorry I left you out of the loop for so long.”

“Just don’t do it again.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Tsukishima said, his voice sincere as he reached over to hold Yamaguchi’s hand. Yamaguchi looked down at where they were connected and laced his fingers with Tsukishima’s. He looked up, finally making eye contact with a gaze that said everything Tsukishima needed to know. It said _‘I trust you’_... and Tsukishima vowed with his own look that he’d never break that trust, squeezing Yamaguchi’s hand to make sure that it all got through to him. It seemed to. “I love you, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi looked away, but Tsukishima could see the happy smile on his face and the red in his cheeks. He felt Yamaguchi squeeze his hand back.

“I’m half way there, Tsukki.”

And that’s really all Tsukishima needed to know. He’d treasure and take care of Yamaguchi, be honest with how he felt and take it one step at a time because even as they ventured through uncharted territory they were still best friends deep down and Tsukishima knew now that nothing… _absolutely nothing_ … would ever change that.

 

+++

 

“Hey Tsukki! Take a look at what I got for the wall!” Yamaguchi exclaimed as he held out a giant board in front of him.

Tsukishima had to blink a few times at the mounted poster to process what he was looking at. “Don’t tell me that’s…”

“And the great thing is, it’s not even fanart! It’s an official poster released by the show’s creators!” he called, hopping over on the couch to reach where a hook was already nestled in the wall. He hung it up with ease, and held out his arms next to it as if to officially present the image of two very familiar baseball players holding hands on a pitcher’s mound. “There! Now we have Kyou and Tama to watch over us at all times!”

“Not sure if I’d really want to take relationship advice from those two…”

Yamaguchi dropped his arms and gave Tsukishima a deadpan look. “Really, Tsukki? Mr. Tsukishima-I-got-jealous-over-my-best-friend-being-asked-out-on-a-date-by-some-girl-he-said-no-to-anyway-Kei?”

“That’s a ridiculous name.”

“I’m just saying, you have no room to judge.” Yamaguchi stated, putting his hands on his hips. Tsukishima scratched the back of his head.

“I guess you’re right.” Tsukishima mumbled, looking away.

“Hey, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi called, making Tsukishima look back again only to see Yamaguchi in a stance like he was ready to jump. The blond only had one second to brace himself before the freckled boy took his leap, grabbing on to Tsukishima’s shoulders with his arms and wrapping his legs around his waist. Tsukishima made sure to catch him, bending back so that they wouldn’t fall and scooping Yamaguchi’s bottom in his arms, holding him close. Yamaguchi hugged him.

“This is a nice place, huh?” he said softly.

Tsukishima didn’t even have to look around their new apartment to know that it was, all he needed to see was Yamaguchi next to him to make any place he was in a nice one. “It is.” he agreed, not caring in the slightest that Yamaguchi was starting to feel way too heavy for him the longer he held him…

It was only small stuff. Tsukishima had learned over the past few months that if even if holding Yamaguchi like that was the only way they could be together, he’d carry him until he collapsed.

After having finally cleared the air between them, all those months ago, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi suddenly found that they had so much more room to grow, their friendship serving as a solid foundation for their love to take root and blossom as their last days of high school passed them by, as Tsukishima took Yamaguchi out on every stereotypical date the boy wanted when they got the chance, as they picked their respective universities and finally a place to call their own to share in between. It had been a flurry of busy days and getting to know each other all over again in a new way and Tsukishima had never felt happier than in that very moment, as Yamaguchi slid down to stand on his feet, arms still wrapped around Tsukishima’s neck as he leaned in for a long kiss.

Peace and quiet…

Just the two of them…

Finally a moment to rest, among the boxes that held their past and the feeling of their beating hearts that held their future.

“So, Tsukki…” Yamaguchi began once he pulled away from the kiss. “What do two boyfriends who just finished moving into their own place and finally have all the privacy in the world do?”

“Either you’re trying to tell me a really bad joke, or you want to go have sex.” Tsukishima deadpanned. Yamaguchi punched him in the shoulder.

“I was trying to be cute.” Yamaguchi pouted.

“You don’t have to try.” Tsukishima said, smirking as he stole a quick kiss, feeling all the more smug when he pulled away to see that Yamaguchi had gone red in the face.

“Dammit, I’m never going to get used to that.” he muttered to himself. Tsukishima shrugged, pretending he had no idea what he had just done.

Yamaguchi took a step forward as he took Tsukishima’s hips into his hands and pulled him close, sensually rolling his own hips against them. “Well…” he continued, speaking hotly against Tsukishima’s ear “...How about I take you to the bedroom and fuck you nice and slow?”

Tsukishima grabbed Yamaguchi’s shoulders and pushed him away, holding him there at arm’s length with an even redder face as his response.

“When did we decide to try dirty talk again?”

“Mm… Last week, remember? Am I getting better at it?” he asked, giving Tsukishima that stupidly adorable wide grin.

Tsukishima turned around and started walking towards the bedroom. “You’re getting better at almost giving me a heart attack, yes.” he explained, and all he heard was Yamaguchi snickering as the man followed behind him.

Though the experiments in their initial form had stopped, Yamaguchi’s list had made a reappearance at some point after date number five, when Tsukishima wanted to look up movie times for date number six and Yamaguchi had let him use his computer only to forget that he had left it open. The conversation that followed had left Yamaguchi a flustered mess, though he did end up getting his revenge over time by catching Tsukishima off guard with certain selections...

Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around Tsukishima from behind, hugging him quickly before spinning him around and capturing his lips in a kiss, nudging him backwards to the bed step by step as he did so. One of the things that Tsukishima had learned about being in a relationship with Yamaguchi was just how ridiculously affectionate he was, and the blond mentally kicked himself everyday over the fact that he had denied them that sort of closeness for so long. All the holding hands during movies, all the quick kisses stolen during their last weeks of practice, all of the surprise hug attacks in the kitchen when Tsukishima was desperately trying not to pour boiling water all over the floor, they could have had it all so much sooner…

...But Yamaguchi assured Tsukishima that they’d have all the time in the world to make up for it.

While teasing him about the early days of his crush of course, but Tsukishima had set himself up for that one. It always cracked Yamaguchi up.

“Mm, Tsukki… undress yourself for me.” Yamaguchi said against his lips, fingering Tsukishima’s top button. He had managed to lay Tsukishima back on the bed and was hovering over him.

“Only if I can take off your clothes first.”

“How is that fair?”

Tsukishima smirked. “It’s not, I’m just impatient.” he said, and before Yamaguchi could even give a response, the blond was wrestling with his boyfriend’s t-shirt. Yamaguchi laughed at being tangled in the fabric while Tsukishima oh so gracelessly undressed him, pulling the garment over his head as his dark hair flung about with static once it was off. Tsukishima patted it down for him, hands smoothing out the unruly locks as he glided them around to softly cup Yamaguchi’s face, taking a moment to just look at him.

Appreciate him.

Because Yamaguchi was there. _Right there_.... And he almost couldn’t believe it was real.

Tsukishima ghosted his thumb over the freckles on Yamaguchi’s cheek, eyes scanning over the man’s face and down his body, just taking it all in.

“You’re gorgeous, Yamaguchi.” he said, open and honest.

Most times such a declaration would send a blush all the way down to Yamaguchi’s chest, but today all he could do was smile at Tsukishima, warm, affectionate and filled with such a devotion that it sent the blond’s heart ablaze. Yamaguchi leaned down slowly, wrapping his arms around Tsukishima’s neck to press them close. He squeezed Tsukishima as tightly as he could, and Tsukishima in turn wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi’s back to reciprocate. They remained nestled in their warm embrace for a while as Tsukishima listened to Yamaguchi breathe softly next to his ear.

Yamaguchi shifted just enough so that he could kiss Tsukishima. Softly at first, but it lingered on, warm and passionate.

“I love you, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi whispered, only for Tsukishima to hear. He cupped Yamaguchi’s face with his hand again, because the words made his head feel so light, he could have sworn he was being carried away on a dream.

“I love you so much.” he said back, no hesitation or ounce of pride getting in the way of his soft declaration, because Yamaguchi deserved to hear it as many times as he could say it. He swore he’d never waste another minute holding back as long as they were together.

In the end, it was Yamaguchi who slowly undressed Tsukishima, deliberately so he could soak up every inch of soft skin and warmth under his fingers, and Tsukishima was glad to feel Yamaguchi’s hands touch and hold him, gliding over all of his most sensitive areas. Yamaguchi always knew exactly where to touch Tsukishima but the blond was no novice when it came to Yamaguchi either, kissing him and breathing him in, basking in his presence as he showed the man in his arms just how much he cared for him.

And as Yamaguchi made love to him, because honestly there was no other way for Tsukishima to describe it, he felt like his heart was about to burst at the seams. He was so lucky. Far too lucky to have somebody like Yamaguchi in his life. To have known Yamaguchi for so long and become his lover. To have been able to call Yamaguchi his best friend.

Because friends could hug, but they were also capable of so much more...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waaaaahhhh, it's over!! ;A; I still can't believe it ended up being as long as it did, but TsukkiYama is so wonderful that it was worth every moment to spend time with these characters. It was also worth every moment knowing that it made a lot of you happy :D (or sad, considering the state of the comments last chapter xDD I HOPE THIS MADE UP FOR THAT!!)
> 
> Anyway, one big HUGE thank you for everybody who followed along~ I'm kiiind of thinking about writing a small mid-quel fic from Yamaguchi's perspective about all the dates he gets Tsukishima to take him on, as well as his thoughts as he falls in love with dear ol' Tsukki, but we'll see!
> 
> Oh! And before I sign off, if I may ask for one thing in return - what was your favourite part of the story? :D I'm very curious to know.
> 
> UNTIL NEXT TIME!!


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